Everything
by wistfuldreamer86
Summary: Lucas wants everything with Peyton, but she's not ready. He's after her heart and won't give up until he has it. I don't plan on finishing this anymore, sorry guys, but I lost my direction and desire to finish this.
1. Into the Night

Setting: End of 107 Summary: Lucas wants everything wtih Peyton, but she's not ready. Disclaimer: I don't own OTH or any of the characters. Autor's Note: I spent a lot of time working on this, getting down the characters voice so I hope you all enjoy it. Please let me know. :) 

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**Chapter I: Into the Night**

"_I want this….you know…" He reached out and pressed his palm against her rapidly beating heart. "I want to be here, I want everything with you. I want it all. I want us, Peyton."_ And that was when she had run away. She had run from that room, from him, so hard and fast that she could barely breathe. She couldn't remember getting into her car and driving home, she had probably run every red light from Nathan's house to hers. She stormed into her house and ripped off the black dress she had been wearing. She didn't bother to put clothes on, it didn't matter. Nothing mattered anymore. She threw her bedroom window open, letting the cool night air caress her bare skin. Erasing the warmth she had felt when his skin had slid against hers. She shivered slightly, whether from the memory or the cold she didn't know. Or wasn't willing to admit.

She picked up her web cam and threw it against the mirror on the back of her door. The mirror shattered into a million pieces. _Break a mirror you get seven years of bad luck_, she smirked. She didn't want him to look at her. She didn't want to look at herself. She couldn't stand herself or her own skin. She wanted to tear the skin off her face, wanted to bleed so the regret that filled her chest would dissipate. The look on his face as she had backed away almost broke her heart. If she still had one. Everyone in that damn school thought of her as a bitch. A slut. But not him. She wanted him to hate her, to look at her with disgust. She could handle anything, but the pain that had filled his face as she had turned away. Rejecting his words, his feelings, his heart. She had succeeded in ripping his heart out and crushing it. Maybe she really was the bitch everyone thought she was. He had refused to see that, but he had to now.

She plopped into the chair in front of her computer and picked up her black ink pen. She stared at it for several moments until it became a blurry black blob in front of her eyes. She flipped her stereo on, putting in some angry, fucked up chick shit as Nathan had called it. She turned it up until she couldn't think. She grabbed her sketchpad and began to furiously scratch her pen against a blank sheet of paper. She wanted to forget his words. The look in his eyes. The feel of his skin against hers. She wanted to drink until she couldn't think. Couldn't feel. But the music would take the edge off, it always did. The music pulsed through her veins as she pressed her pen harshly against the paper. Twenty minutes later she stopped and stared down at the image before her. It was the scene that had been on her mind since she had left the party. His hand against the place her heart was supposed to be. She wanted to tear it up, but instead she wrote, "And now we **CAN'T** have it."

She flung the drawing at her computer. "Damn it," she screamed into the empty house. No one was ever home. She could do anything she wanted to do. It had been like this since her mother had died. She was on her own, but it was lonely. She'd never admit it to anybody, but she missed her dad. She wished things could be different. But they weren't and that was how it was going to be. She had never let herself want that until she met Lucas. He made her see things she had never let herself feel. Him and his damn compassion. His desire to understand. Why couldn't he just leave it alone? Why couldn't he be like Nathan? She had known what to expect with Nathan. Sex and alcohol. That's all he had ever wanted from her. All any guy ever wanted. But not Lucas. Why did he have to screw everything up? Why did she have to fuck it up? Why did he want her anyways? Everything she touched turned to shit. It was only a matter of time before he realized that. If he hadn't after tonight, he would. She walked over to her wall and leaned into it. Letting it hold her weight, her eyes burning with unshed tears. Tears that she'd never let fall.

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"_This isn't supposed to be that…..why couldn't you just leave it alone?"_ The look in her eyes had torn him in half. Fear, confusion, anger, and pain swirled around in her wide, hazel eyes. His words had terrified her, he could see it in her face, it was in the way her body had moved away from him. As if she had just been bitten by a snake. As if he were someone that was trying to hurt her. He had wanted to go after her, but he had been frozen to the carpet beneath his feet. He knew she needed time to think. To be away from him. His heart ached when he heard her car screech out of the driveway. Dan had walked in after that, but he had brushed past him. He suddenly felt weary, he just wanted to go home.

He crept into the house, trying not to wake up his mom. He quietly opened his bedroom door and slid inside. He threw his jacket and shirt onto the bed. He fell onto the chair in front of his computer and turned it on. She wasn't there, her cam was off. His heart felt as it were collapsing into itself and he sighed deeply. He had pushed her too hard, spoke too soon. He should have waited, but he couldn't have sex with her like that. Not without her knowing that it was more than that to him. He couldn't let her think he was like everyone else. That he would use her and leave. He wanted to be there with her. But she wasn't like him, it wasn't as simple for her. He could tell she was damaged, in ways he didn't even realize. His heart ached at the thought of her being home alone. Always alone.

He should have just….left it alone. He rubbed his eyes with the heels of his calloused palms. He would be lucky if she ever spoke to him again. He knew how she was, she would lash out at him the next time he saw her. Or worse….she would give him the cold shoulder. She'd brush him off, acting like nothing had ever happened. Like they never happened. Tears stung his tired eyes. He had never meant to care this much. He had only wanted to be her friend, but it had never been that. There had always been more between them. Between the barbs and flirtation they had exchanged, had grown something deeper. She had let him see a part of her that she didn't show the world. She had let him in and now he had lost that. She would look at him with wary eyes. Always wondering what he was thinking….feeling. But would she have looked at him the same way if they had slept together? He shook his head, the questions would never end.

Even though she had turned away from him, he wasn't giving up. He couldn't. She needed him more than she realized. And he needed her too. He had never needed anyone besides his mom and Haley. But it wasn't the same kind of need. The way he needed her sliced through his soul. He wanted to be close to her, to hold her and kiss her. Just to be with her. She was so much more than everyone thought. More than she gave herself credit for. He turned away from his computer and climbed into bed. He shut his eyes, her face floating behind his closed eyelids. He smiled slightly at the image. She was…..everything.

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Pounding. The walls seemed to shake beside her head. Or maybe it was her head that was vibrating. She opened her eyes slowly and looked at the clock, 2:12 AM. She groaned and stumbled out of bed. She grabbed the long white silk robe hanging on the back of her door and wrapped it around her small body as she plopped down the stairs. She flung the door open and was shocked to see Nathan standing in her doorway. "What are you doing here?" She narrowed her eyes, "We're over." She began to shut the door, but he stuck his hand out.

"I'm not here for that…." He started, then stopped, staring at her. He wanted to tell her that he was sorry for everything. That he missed her and wanted to start over. But after seeing her with Lucas tonight he knew that was over. The way she looked at Lucas was different, she had never looked at him that way. Not even when things were new. Their glory days didn't come close to the ease and comfort she had shown around Lucas.

"What are you staring at?" She frowned and crossed her arms over her chest.

He shook his head, "Brooke passed out at the party…." He gestured towards his car, "I couldn't just leave her there."

"So you brought her here?" She raised her eyebrows in anger. Brooke was the last person she wanted to see. After the stunt she had pulled at the party, all she wanted to do was smash her pretty little face in. But she softened a bit at the look of distress on Nathan's face. He was trying to be a good guy. For once. "Okay, bring her in." She relented. Angry or not, she couldn't refuse to give her best friend a place to crash for the night. No matter how much she had meddled in her life lately.

He turned away and walked to his car. He opened his car door and slung Brooke over his shoulder. He easily carried her into the dim living room, the only light coming from the streetlight down the street, "Where do you want her?"

She pointed to the couch, "Just drop her there."

He carefully placed her on the couch, making sure to lie her on her stomach. Brooke groaned as he turned to look at Peyton, "She really pissed you off didn't she?"

"I'm five miles past pissed." She growled, "I'm surprised you aren't angry at her for lying to us."

"Well she had a point…." He looked at her for a long time, wishing he had fixed things before now. But by the distance in her eyes, he could tell she wasn't going to let him. It was too late.

"About what?"

"I do….miss you Peyton." It was hard for him to let her know that, he had never said it enough when they were together.

"Nathan," she sighed in frustration, "we've talked about this."

"I know, I just had to say it." He shifted uncomfortable, "Well, I should go."

"Yeah I think you should," she followed him to the door and stopped. She watched him walk to his care open the door, "And Nathan…." He paused, "We'll get there one day."

He looked puzzled, "Where?"

"Friends." She gave him a small smile before quickly shutting the door. He smiled to himself and sped into the darkness. She sagged against the door, surprised that she had given him that much. That it was so easy to just forget everything that had ever happened between them. All the times she had felt used and cheap. All the drama and fights. Maybe he had cared for her in some small way. _But not the way Lucas does_, her heart whispered. She grit her teeth against the thought. It was too late to feel guilty. She had no room for guilt in her life. She wasn't supposed to care. She didn't want to care, it was easier to be angry. With everyone else she could hold on to the anger so easily, but now all she wanted to do was curl up into a ball and blast her music. But she couldn't. Not tonight. She looked over at Brooke and sighed. It seemed like once again she had to take care of Brooke. Despite her aggravation at the brunette occupying her couch she couldn't just leave her alone.

She settled into the chair close to the couch and pulled her knees into her chest. She peeked through the blinds and the moon stared down at her. His face was mocking and cruel. She could almost hear him laughing at her. Telling her how messed up everything was, how she always messed everything. She rested her head on her knees, peering into the darkness of the room, ignoring the shaft of moonlight that hit the floor. She closed her eyes and drifted to sleep.

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Lucas felt as if his head were ringing. He turned over, but it didn't stop. The sound only became sharper, more harsh. He opened one eye and looked at the digital clock on his nightstand, 2:34 AM. His cell was glowing and shaking. He snapped it opened and pushed it against his ear, "Hello?" He heard sniffling on the other end. "Hales is that you?"

"Yeah," she squeaked, trying to suppress a sob.

"What's wrong?"

"You were right, you know."

"About what?"

"Nathan. I thought he was a good guy and he just proved me wrong. Smart girl is stupid once again."

"Hales," he sighed quietly, "you aren't stupid. If he can't see how great you are, then you are better off without him."

She sniffed, "It was easier when it was just us." She paused, "At least things are working out for one of us."

He chuckled awkwardly, "If working out is her running away from me. Then mission accomplished."

"What happened Luke?"

"I pushed too hard, opened my big mouth." He sighed and rubbed his head. "Nothing new for me."

"Welcome to the land of losers, population me and you," She said bitterly and sighed, "So it's just us….like it always has been."

"I'm not giving up Hales. I can't tell you what to do about Nathan, but I'm not giving up."

"Good for you, Luke." He could hear the smile in her voice. "Just don't get your heart broken, okay?"

Lucas laughed, "Night Hales,"

"Night, Luke."


	2. Return to Normal

Summary: Lucas and Peyton return to their normal lives; Brooke makes a startling confession; and Haley gets asked to a party by someone unexpected.

Disclaimer: I don't own OTH or any of the characters, however I do own the plotlines and dialouge.

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**Chapter Two: Return to Normal**

The morning sun hit Peyton's closed eyelids and she groaned. She started to roll over to avoid the light and began to fall. She didn't realize it until she landed on the carpeted floor with a thud. She groaned and rolled onto her stomach, pushing herself up with the palms of her hands, and rubbed her butt. "That's going to leave a mark," she muttered to herself.

Brooke moaned and opened one eye, "What the hell are you doing?" She sounded as if her throat had been scraped with sand paper.

"I slept in here to make sure nothing happened to your boney ass and ended up rolling out of the chair." Peyton glowered at her.

"Shut up," she whined, "stop yelling."

Peyton rolled her eyes and stood up. She opened the blinds causing Brooke to bury her face into the couch cushions. Peyton snickered and began to sing off key. "She's a lover, she's a bitch, but she's everything to meeeeeeee." She watched her best friend thrash on the couch, as if she were avoiding a knife. The louder she sang, the more her friend squirmed. She shouldn't be deriving this much pleasure out of making her suffer, but after what happened last night she deserved it. Drunk or not, her words had stung. Pushing her to kiss Lucas, losing everything when she did. Something she could never have back.

Brooke picked up the pillow her head been resting on and smacked Peyton's skinny legs, "Truce, please." Peyton ignored her and kept singing, "I'll do anything, just stop." Her head was pounding and with every note Peyton sung it only made it ache more. Every sound produced a piercing stab of pain in her skull.

Peyton laughed, "Lay off the bourbon." She plopped onto the end of the couch. Brooke rolled onto her back, lifted her tiny feet up, and placed them in Peyton's lap.

"Vodka never has this affect on me." Brooke sighed miserably. "Why are you so happy this morning?" She looked at her blonde friend curiously, "Did you finally do loverboy?" She grinned wickedly.

Peyton gasped in feigned shock, "Brooke Davis."

"P. Sawyer." She sat up and offered her a smirk, "You did, didn't you?" She raised an eyebrow, "Where is he?" She looked around the room, "Lucas!" She called into the empty room, cringing at the tone of her own voice.

Peyton suddenly felt weary, "Nothing happened." When it came to hooking up and sex, Brooke never missed a beat, no matter how hung over she was.

"I may not remember much…." She grinned in amusement, "Or nothing, but you two were hot for each other." She leaned closer and lowered her voice, "Don't tell me he went all wonder boy on you."

"What?" Peyton looked at her incredulously.

"P. Sawyer, I don't know why I hang out with someone so lame." She exhaled loudly and looked at her blonde friend knowingly. "He couldn't get it—"

"Okay, okay, I know what you mean." Peyton interrupted and turned her head, pretending to focus on the shaft of sunlight on the carpet. She felt her face fill with embarrassment, an emotion she hadn't experienced in a long time. She had always told Brooke everything, but she didn't want to tell her about Lucas. It felt sacred. "He's just too serious for me." She finished lamely.

"Figures, he broods too much. Not even sexy brooding either." She scrunched up her face in disgust, "We don't need him. There are many fine fish in the sea my friend." She linked her arm with Peyton's, "One of those you used to date." She winked.

"Who, Nathan?"

"Who else? Why you let him go I don't know, but I think I may have to do some fishing."

"We just broke up!"

"Green isn't a good color on you, friend."

"Last night you were trying to get us back together."

"I made a mistake, I think this Scott brother will prove to be more of a challenge."

"He likes Haley."

"Tutorgirl? Please." She seemed to dismiss Peyton's statement with a wave of her hand, "After tonight he won't even remember her name."

"Brooke what are you planning on doing?"

"It's a secret, but I can tell you it involves me, you, Tim's party, and a lot of alcohol." Peyton stared at her best friend in silence. She didn't want to go, but after a night like last night she needed it. Needed to cut loose, have some fun. Drink until she couldn't feel anything anymore. Until Lucas' words were a distant memory. 

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Jake looked through the large glass window in front of _Karen's Café._ There she was, cleaning off the counters. The sunlight behind him streamed through the window and bounced off her brunette locks. It made her look like she was wearing a halo. He swallowed nervously, trying to gain the courage to ask her what he had come to ask. After a few minutes he strode through the door with as much ease as he could muster.

Haley heard the bell above the door shake and she looked up, "Hey, Jake." She smiled. She had seen him around school a few times and had talked to him after the last game.

"Hey, Haley." He felt like a schoolboy asking a girl to the dance for the first time. He wasn't exactly inexperienced; he had a daughter after all. But he hadn't liked a girl since she had been born so it made him feel like a newbie at the whole dating game.

"Luke isn't here, he went out on a delivery." Haley said after a few moments, wondering why he was so silent, he usually seemed animated and talkative, at least around Luke and the guys on the team.

"Actually that's not why I'm here." He blushed, feeling like a fool.

Haley leaned over the counter and smiled, she couldn't help but notice how cute he looked. She shook her head, where had that come from? "Yeah?"

"There's this party at Tim's tonight, I was wondering if you'd like to…ummmmm….go with me."

"Like a date?"

"No…well….maybe. I'd like to get to know you better."

She blushed, she hadn't expected him to say that. She wasn't sure if she should, her head was still wrapped around Nathan, but maybe this was what it'd take to get Nathan to notice her. She felt a stab of guilt at the thought, but firmly pushed it away. "I'd love to."

"Really?" He couldn't believe his ears, "Pick you up at eight?"

"Sounds great."

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"You're going to a party, with Jake?" Lucas stared at Haley in disbelief.

"Yes, Luke, are you deaf?"

"Why?"

"Jake's a sweet guy, he asked me to go and I am." She walked around the counter he was sitting at and began to wipe down the counters. Avoiding his eyes. She had cleaned the counters a million times that day, but she needed something to keep her busy.

"Haley, I know you aren't telling me everything."

She sighed in defeat, "I want to make Nathan jealous."

"Hales! Jake is a good guy, you shouldn't do that to him."

"Luke, I've never done anything for myself so please just let me do this." She looked at him with pleading eyes, hoping he'd see how important this was to her.

"Okay, Hales, but just be nice to the guy, okay? Don't lead him on. I'm not sure what happened in his past, but it's hard for him to open up to people. He's been a good friend to me."

"I know which is why I know he's harmless. Besides we could at least be friends. He said it wasn't really a date unless I wanted it to be." She paused and looked at him, "So are you going to Tim's party?" He shook his head. "Why not?" He stared down at the floor silently, "Because of Peyton?"

"I just don't want to push things with her. After last night….." He felt defeated, he didn't know where to go from here. How to keep fighting.

"It's okay, Luke, I understand. I'll still miss you, you know?"

"Yeah I know Hales,"

"It used to just be us…what happened?"

"I joined the basketball team, you started tutoring the jocks and going out on dates with them." He teased and she rolled her eyes at him. "I think it's part of growing up."

"Well it sucks," She laughed and threw her dishrag at him. He tossed it back at her, but she dodged his aim, "I always win Luke." She stuck her tongue at him and while she was distracted he picked it up and wrung the dishwater into her hair. "Ewwww!" She shrieked. He laughed at the look of disgust on her face, this felt good. Just joking around with his best friend, it almost made the tightness in his chest disappear.

Peyton stared at her reflection in the mirror, asking herself for the millionth time that day why she was letting Brooke drag her to the party. It seemed like parties always ended in disaster, at least the ones she went to. She absently put on a thin layer of pink lipstick and pressed her thin lips together. This was as much color as she was going to wear tonight. Brooke had brought over a lace top and short shorts for her to wear earlier, but she couldn't make herself put them on. They didn't suit her. She wasn't there to hook up, she was there to get her mind off the thing with Lucas.

She wondered if he'd be there or if he'd stay at home and read for the night. He seemed to enjoy getting lost in reading more than hanging out with a bunch of wasted teenagers, not that she could blame him. She had been to a lot of parties since she had been in high school, but most nights she wanted to stay home. Just to draw and listen to music. But she never did. Brooke would beg her to not leave her alone and then remind her that as a cheerleader she had an appearance to uphold. Not that Peyton cared what other people thought, she just hated to let Brooke down. Even when she was angry at her. It was just how they were, how it had always been. No matter how screwed up it sounded, it was their version of normal. Whatever that was.

She sighed deeply._ You can do this_, she told her reflection. She could always come home early if the party was a total drag. But if Brooke was there that wasn't likely to happen. She always found a way to make even the lamest party a little more interesting. It was one of her many talents. She just hoped Brooke wouldn't get drunk tonight, she worried about her sometimes. Drinking so much. It was like she was trying to forget about her life. _Hypocrite,_ her reflection seemed to sneer at her. She turned away from the mirror when she heard the doorbell ring. _Here goes nothing._

Lucas looked at the clock on his nightstand, 7:43. The house felt quiet with his mom gone for the weekend at a cooking convention. Keith had dropped by earlier and now it was just him and J.D. Salinger. He must have read Catcher in the Rye a million times, it was one of his favorites. He felt like getting lost in it tonight, maybe it would take his mind off everything that had been going on lately.

"_If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you'll probably want to know is where I was born and what my lousy childhood was like, and how my parents were occupied and all before they had me, and all that David Copperfield kind of crap, but I don't feel like going into it, if you want to know the truth."_

This was what always drew him into the book, the honesty and matter-of-fact tone of Holden Caulfield. It made him want to know more about this character, what had happened in their life and how to figure them out. Like Peyton, he still had yet to figure her out. But he was determined to be around to find out. If he was patient and approached her slowly, she would open up to him, he was sure of it. It just wasn't as easy as reading a book. Or talking to Haley. She was a different kind of person.

He groaned in frustration, he was already failing at not thinking about her. It seemed like his thoughts were always on her and his brain found a way to place her in his current stream of thought. If only his mom were here now, he wished she hadn't left this morning for the convention. Their talks always helped him figure things out. And if he didn't come up with a solution he'd at least feel like he was farther than he had been before. He was lucky to have a mom like that and he knew it. Having her made up for not having a father and looking at the way Nathan was, he was glad Dan hadn't been around. It used to frustrate him when he was a kid and it still hurt sometimes, but since he had joined the team it had eased. He shook his head and turned back to the book, letting his eyes consume the words before him.

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**A/N:** Thanks for all the reviews on my last chapter! I really enjoy feedback, I'm trying to stay true to the characters as they were in s1 even if I am changing things around. If you read this please leave me a reveiw, I thrive on feedback and it helps me tweak the story even further. This chapter was originally shorter, but I decided to give a little more background on Jake. He is highly underdeveloped at this point, but as the story moves forward he will have more depth. I'm just having a harder time on the JH plotlines and they are in the background of the fic so far, but don't worry they will come to the foreground. I hope you all enjoyed the chapter! More to come soon, I never write fics I don't plan on finishing. 


	3. Crash and Burn

Summary: Unexpected emotions and events transpire at the party.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

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**Chapter 3: Crash and Burn **

"We have arrived." Brooke burst through the front door of Tim's house. Everyone in the spacious, but crowded living room just started at Peyton and Brooke blankly before turning back to their booze. "What a bunch of lame ass losers." She rolled her eyes at Peyton, "Why are we here again?"

"Sex, drugs, rock and roll." Peyton smirked.

Brooke ignored her statement and looked at her black t-shirt and jeans in horror, "I can't believe I let you wear that here."

"I can't believe I'm here with someone dressed in that," She indicated Brooke's tight black dress and plunging neckline.

"Whatever, mingle, meet some new people, and please don't talk about that wretched music you're always going on about." She flipped her straight hair out as she walked away, on the hunt for Nathan Scott. She opened her purse and pulled out her flask of vodka. She took a swig and spotted tutorgirl and Jake at the door. She made her way over to them with a sly grin on her face, "Why tutorgirl I didn't know you were old enough to go out on a school night."

"Tigger," Haley smirked, "I see you left your dress at home."

"Jake!" Brooke shouted and pulled him into a hug, glaring at Haley over his shoulder, "So good to see you here."

"Yeah you too Brooke." He said stiffly.

She let him go, "Bye, don't do anything I wouldn't do." She flashed her trademark grin and walked away. She took another swig of vodka. She couldn't stand that stuff out of a keg. It was cheap and disgusting. She scanned the room, looking for Nathan. She saw Tim coming towards her and ducked into the bathroom. She peered into the mirror and checked to see if any of her bright red lipstick had made its way onto her teeth. Nope ,shiny and white. Perfect. She never got tired of this life, the moving, the quick pace, the people. It was her escape from home. She took another swig of vodka, letting it settle into her stomach. Calming her nerves. She peeked into the hallway and slid out the door quietly. Avoiding Tim at all costs.

Jake and Haley watched Brooke stalk away, "That was….different." Jake said with a puzzled look on his face.

"What do you mean?" Haley raised her eyebrows and looked at him quizzically.

"Usually Brooke pretends I don't exist." He peered down at her, "She seems to have it out for you."

Haley rolled her eyes, "She has a sick sense of humor." Haley almost told him about the events that had transpired the night before, but she bit her lip. She didn't want him to figure out her reason for coming here with him. She had already started to regret the decision. He had looked so earnest and sweet standing on her doorstep, talking to her parents as he waited for her to finish getting ready. She didn't want to hurt or disappoint him, but she had to know if things could work out with Nathan. If they could overcome the obstacles between them even though she had a feeling they were just too different.

Jake nodded, "Yeah she does. She's like a viper waiting for someone to attack."

Haley laughed, "I couldn't have said it better myself."

Jake smiled at the sound of her laughter, relieved that she wasn't going to let Brooke scare her away from the party, it wasn't really his scene, but it could be fun, "Want me to get you a drink?"

She blushed, "I'm not much of a drinker." She paused, "Or at all."

He chuckled, "Don't worry about it, Haley, I'm not either." He didn't want to tell her why he was so careful to avoid alcohol. It wasn't really that he didn't want to tell her, he just didn't know how to tell her. He didn't want to end up getting another girl pregnant, especially not this girl, she had a bright future ahead of her. He was shackled to his responsibilities and all that came with it. Not that he didn't love his daughter, because he did so much it made him ache inside. Sometimes he just wished he could go to a party and not have to worry about tomorrow. The guilt was instant, he was being selfish by being here. Asking his parents to cover up and take care of his responsibilities. He had wanted to do something for himself, something normal with the girl he liked. But there was no backing out now, he had brought her here and was determined to make it worth her time.

Haley scanned the room, trying to find Nathan. She knew she couldn't just leave Jake, but maybe they could find a way to talk to him. And then maybe he'd realize he had made a mistake last night. But maybe this whole thing was a mistake, maybe she should just be here with Jake without ulterior motives. She looked over at him, he smile and opened his mouth to speak when Peyton walked by. "Peyton," Haley shouted over the music in the room and grabbed Peyton's sleeve.

Peyton stared at her blankly and offered a small grin after several seconds, "Hey," She said softly and nodded at Jake in greeting. "What are you two doing here?"

"Same as you," Haley said and frowned, noticing the distance in Peyton's eyes, "You okay?"

Peyton shook her head, "Yeah I'm fine, I need to go find Brooke."

"That was weird," Haley said as Peyton walked away. She turned back to Jake and smiled, forgetting Peyton's strange behavior and her search for Nathan when he smiled at her.

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Peyton had roamed around the room for the last twenty minutes, nodding to people she knew. Talking to anyone that stopped her, but she felt outside of it all. She felt as if everything inside her was crashing. Her emotions were colliding into one another, forming a dark mass of rage and depression inside her fragile chest. Filling the gaping hole where her heart was supposed to be. The darkness tore at her insides, ripping into her brain, consuming her soul. Or what was left of it. She wanted the screaming thoughts to stop; for the pain, regret, guilt, shame, and hatred to just disappear. Everyone around her was laughing and chattering at rapid speeds. The rap music flooding the house made the floor beneath her feet shake. Her head was pounding to the rhythm. She frowned in disgust, she needed to get out of here. She needed something….

She saw the keg across the crowded room, like a beacon of hope. The dull silver barrel seemed to glow. She wove herself through the mass of bodies crunched together, shoving everyone out of her way. She rarely drank, but tonight she needed it. Needed the release it would give her. To forget for a few hours how she was feeling. To lose herself in something. Drawing only brought her closer to the event, music only drowned it out for a few hours. But this would last longer. It would erase her memory, numb her heart to all emotions. She grabbed a plastic cup and filled it to the rim, some of the amber liquid swished over the edge as Nathan grabbed her wrist.

"Where the hell did you come from?" She spat.

"Peyton, you don't need to be drinking."

"Look who's talking, you spent most of our weekends together drunk."

"This isn't you."

"What the hell do you know?"

Nathan shifted uncomfortably, he had let her down in the past, but he refused to let her do this. She only drank when she was trying to forget and he didn't want her to. "Peyton, put the cup down."

"Get the fuck away from me." She growled and ripped her arm away from him, spilling half the contents of her cup onto the floor. She stalked away, leaving him alone. Nathan turned around and came face to face with a smiling Brooke. "What do you want Brooke?" He frowned.

"You haven't said a word to me since we got here." She touched his arm lightly and gave him a catlike grin, "Don't you like my new dress." She purred. 

His eyes ran over her tight black dress appreciatively. It clung to her skin in all the right places, giving him a peek of what was beneath. He couldn't prevent his body from responding to her, but he was still pissed at her. He leaned down and pressed his mouth against her ear, "Just because every guy in the school has fucked you doesn't mean I'm going to."

She didn't let the shock that she was feeling show, "It's only a matter of time Scott." She raised her eyebrows suggestively.

He brushed past her and tossed over his shoulder, "In your dreams Davis."

Haley stared at Nathan and Brooke in shock, the way he was leaning into her and the suggestive tilt of her body and head was obvious to everyone watching them. She turned to Jake, "Did that look like…." She started then stopped.

Jake blushed, "Quite possibly."

"Jake I'm sorry." Haley sputtered, realizing he had just figured out why she had accepted his offer to come here. "You're a really nice guy, I just—"

"It's okay, Haley, I just thought you were different." He shrugged sadly and started to walk away.

"No, Jake, wait." Haley pleaded, grabbing his sleeve. "I want to get to know you better. This Nathan thing….we're just too different. I don't know what I was thinking."

"You weren't." He smiled, "I'm not going to make you stay here if you don't want to."

She smiled and linked her arm with his, "I do."

------

Brooke crept down the crowded hallway, pushing past the mass of bodies around her. "Get a room," she muttered under her breath when she brushed past Rachel and Tim making out. She could hardly believe what she was seeing, but then again Rachel had slept with every guy in the school. _Like me_, she thought with bitterness. She didn't consider herself the same as Rachel, Rachel slept with guys for popularity, she did it because she liked sex. She liked the way it felt, how she could get lost in the sensations it brought her. She just couldn't stick with one guy, she didn't believe human beings were meant to be monogamous. It just wasn't natural.

She stopped at the end of the hallway and opened the door to the room she had been looking for. It was an extra den, a few people were sprawled naked on the floor, but she just stepped over them, searching for the alcohol. The good stuff, not that damn keg sitting in the main room. She opened a bottle of vodka and sighed in pleasure. She was already feeling good, like a cat that had had a saucer of cream. If only Nathan had taken her up on her offer to fuck. But it was better this way, she'd have time to strategize. Figure out how to lure the star basketball player into her bed.

She enjoyed a good chase, figuring out how to break through a guy's defenses. How to get them to melt and shudder for her, playing to her tune in her time. Doing what she wanted when she wanted it. And then when she was done, she was done. She never had regrets and never looked back. She had tried to sleep with a guy more than once, but she had always grown bored of them soon afterwards. After the thrill of the first time was gone, she had no interest in sticking around. She enjoyed the longing and apprehension. And she was feeling it now. Her body ached with need, but the only one that could satisfy her craving was Nathan. And she knew it would be worth it, the things Peyton had told her Nathan did….She shivered in desire at the thought.

She brought the bottle of Vodka to her lips and let the liquid slid down her throat into her stomach. She felt sick and dizzy, heady from the images in her head and the alcohol in her bloodstream. She was probably drunk, she couldn't really tell anymore. She never could until the next day, when her head felt like it would split open if she moved it. She wondered vaguely where Peyton was. She stumbled out of the room, dropping the bottle of vodka onto the hardwood floor, barely aware of the sound of the glass breaking as it hit the floor.

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Peyton couldn't remember how many drinks she had had. Five? Six? Seven? She had lost count a long time ago. Her head was pounding slightly and she felt sick to her stomach, but she could avoid that. Push it down. She hadn't felt this good in a long time, so free. She felt warm and comfortable, like a cat lying in the sun. She tripped over a lawn chair and skinned her palms on the concrete surrounding the pool. She watched the blood pour from the cuts on her palms into the white stone. Staining it. _Like I'd do to Luke_, she thought with a twist to her mouth. If he let her close to him, let her touch him, she'd end up ruining him. Taking the goodness and purity of his heart and break it. She'd destroy him and he'd never look at her with compassion ever again. He'd learn that she was poison, just like Nathan had. She felt dizzy all of a sudden. She wanted to puke, but she held it back. It burned in her throat.

She had started drinking to forget, but she hadn't stopped thinking about him for a moment. It seemed to be magnified now. She didn't want to look at it, she just wanted it to go away. She felt like screaming and kicking something or someone. "Peyton," Brooke shouted from the back door of the house and stumbled towards her. Peyton glared up at her as she came towards her in slow motion. The lights seemed to be dimming and her head started to throb even more. She stared down at her frozen hands and Brooke fell beside her and hugged her close. "P. Sawyer…" her words were thick and slurred, "I love you."

She leaned in to kiss her, but she knocked her away. "Get the fuck off…" she tried to stand up, but her head was swimming. She could hear Brooke laughing hysterically as she crawled to the edge of the pool and looked into the darkness. The moonlight was shimmering on the water, dancing on the dark waves. She reached out to touch it and fell in. She didn't struggle to break the surface, she just let herself sink. Maybe it would be better this way. If she were just erased. It would be easier for her dad. Her death would quickly fall away as new gossip filled the hallways of school. Would anyone care if she died? She knew Luke would, but she still couldn't figure out why.

She felt her head growing lighter as the oxygen in her lungs disappeared. She closed her eyes, waiting for darkness to envelope her when she felt strong arms wrap around her torso and drag her to the surface. When they hit the air she gasped, her lungs frozen by the cool night air. Her head felt like it were rolling off her shoulders, she squinted up at the face above hers, "Lucas…" she whispered before the world went black.

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Lucas tried to concentrate on the words in front of his eyes, but to no avail. The words seemed to run into each other. He had been thinking about her all night. Peyton was at the party. He wondered if she was drinking, he hoped not. He had seen her drunk before; she was reckless. It was as if a force inside her pushed her to move forward in rage. His cell began to ring and he answered it quickly, "Hello?"

"Luke," Haley was almost in tears.

"Hales, what's wrong?"

"It's Peyton,"

He felt as if his heart were beating through his chest. "Is she…." His voice shook.

"She's really drunk Luke, I'm scared."

"Calm down, Hales, what is she doing?"

"She's stumbling around, cussing everyone out, I've never seen her this angry. I tried to talk to her, but she told me to back off. I don't know what to do."

"Where's Nathan?"

"I don't know, I think he left. Luke please come, she needs you."

He stood up and grabbed his car keys, "I'll be there in twenty minutes."

He jumped into his truck and blindly drove to Tim's, ignoring the stop signs and lights along the way. He didn't care if he got a ticket, all that mattered was getting to Peyton. He had a terrible feeling something was going to happen to her. He didn't know what he'd do if it did. He screeched into Tim's driveway and ran to the pool area. He saw Brooke fall on her and Peyton pushed her away. Crawling over to the pool slowly. He stood frozen to the ground and the next thing he knew she was falling. He felt like he couldn't breathe as she hit the water with a crash. He had never moved so fast in his entire life, moving without thought or control, diving into the cold water without realzing what he was doing. He didn't even bother to take anything off, he had to save her. The water pulled at his jeans, sucking him to the bottom of the pool where she was, just sitting there like a rock. He wasn't sure if she was unconscious or if she was too numb to care. He grabbed her and struggled to break the surface. Fighting the tug of the water, gaining a strength his body didn't have. When he heard her choking on the night air he felt as if a weight had been lifted off his chest.

He felt blind and numb, the water sticking to his skin, plastering his hair into his eyes. But he shook the chlorine out of his eyes and focused on her pale face. She looked up at him with red eyes, focusing on his face. She said his name softly, the sound of an angel, before closing her eyes. He pulled the wet hair away from her neck and checked to see if she was still breathing. She was pale and her skin was clammy, but she was breathing. That's all that mattered. Everyone was staring at him and he could hear Brooke puking a few feet away. Nathan rushed to his side, "Is she okay?" He nodded and Nathan stepped away. "If she wakes up, let her know I took Brooke home, okay?"

Lucas nodded, scooped her frail body into his weak arms, and carried her to his truck. He placed her gently in the passenger seat and wrapped the blanket he kept in his truck around her slim body. She shivered slightly, but didn't wake up. She would probably be out of it for a while. He shut the door and leaned against it tiredly.

Haley and Jake rushed up to the truck, "Is she okay?" Haley wrung her hands nervously and Jake shifted awkwardly. He wasn't sure what to do, he didn't know Peyton that well, but he knew how much she meant to Luke and Haley.

"Yeah, she will be. I'm going to take her home." His voice was drained of all emotion; he could barely look them in the eye. "I'll call you later Hales, makes sure she gets home okay." He waited for Jake to nod before sliding into his truck. He stuck his hand out the window and waved to them, letting them know he was okay. But on the inside he felt fragile, as if he had just been broken. His hands were shaking as he started the truck and he backed out of the driveway into the dark night.

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**A/N**: Thanks to everyone who keeps reading and reviewing my fic, I appreciate the feedback! I am slowly fleshing out the characters and digging more into their heads, I know I haven't written much about Haley or Nathan, but I will. I'm still working on JH storlyines so their scenes may seem to flow a little less smoothly than the rest. Please let me know how you are liking it so far. :)


	4. Changes

Summary: Jake, Lucas, and Nathan make sure the girls get home safely.

Disclaimer: I own nothing, aren't I special?

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**Chapter Four: Changes**

"Peyton…." Brooke mumbled and opened her eyes. She scrunched her nose when the wind blew a whiff of vomit into her nose. It wasn't far away, too close actually, it must be hers, she mused. "Gross..." She said groggily and tried to sit up. She felt hands on her back and turned to see Nathan's grim face. She wondered if he ever smiled, it seemed to be rare. He smiled sarcastically all the time, like Peyton, but she never saw a real smile. She always gave away smiles, hiding the true bitterness that lay beneath. Maybe he was hiding too. She blinked in confusion, unsure of where these thoughts were coming from. He lifted her into a sitting position. "Where's Peyton?" She asked vaguely, she had seen her a while ago, after she tried to kiss her. Why the hell she had tired to do that she wasn't sure. Nothing was clear right now, her head felt full.

"Lucas took her home." Nathan said emotionlessly, watching her upper body sway back and forth. This was the second night in a row he was looking after Brooke; it had to be a world record. Peyton had never let him take care of her, but Brooke didn't seem to mind. She seemed to thrive on the attention. He wasn't a hero and Brooke wasn't a damsel in distress, they had just been forced into the roles through circumstance. His mouth twisted at the irony of the whole scene.

"Wonder boy strikes again," she muttered to herself. A cool breeze blew and she shivered slightly and realized his hands were still pressed to her back. It made her feel warm, less alone. Not that she needed anyone she was Brooke Davis after all. She hadn't needed anyone in a long time. At least not for anything more than a good fuck. She grinned at him mischievously, remembering her mission of the evening. She touched his arm lightly, but he shook his head. _He's going to be a challenge,_ she thought. But that only made her want him even more.

"Come on, Brooke, let me drive you home."

"But the party has just begun," she stuck out her lower lip, watching the way his eyes lingered on her lip. It never failed, boys were always watching her. Every moment of every day she could feel their eyes on her breasts, lips, and ass. It made her feel good to be wanted, it only increased her desire to be everything they wanted. She felt her loins stir at the thought of him in her bed. And he would be, it was just a matter of time.

"I think you've had enough to drink," he stood up and pulled her with him. She leaned her body into his, letting him walk her to his car. "So wonder boy and Peyton are going to finally do it."

"What?" Nathan looked at her quizzically.

"He did take her home…." She grinned, watching him squirm. It brought her a tiny prick of pleasure knowing it bothered him that his brother was getting some when he wasn't.

"Brooke, Peyton almost drowned."

Her face paled visibly under her makeup, "Oh my god, she did? Is she okay? What happened?" She felt panic clutch her chest, breaking through the fog in her brain. If she lost Peyton she wouldn't know what to do. Maybe she didn't need anyone, but Peyton was as close as she came to that emotion.

"Just drunk and stupid. She'll be okay," he reassured her and absently patted the back of her head. "So let's get you home." He opened his car door for her and she slid in, sighing in relief.

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"So this is it, huh?" Jake turned his car off when he pulled up in front of Haley's house.

She nodded and smiled, "Thanks for putting up with me Jake."

"It was my pleasure," he smiled. "A friend of Luke's is a friend of mine."

"We should definitely hang out again," she gave him a shy smile. They had really gotten know each other at the party and she found she enjoyed his company. He didn't make her feel inadequate or uneasy. He hadn't been ashamed to introduce her to his friends; he had treated her as an equal. Something she had never felt with anyone but Luke. It made her feel less alone.

He paused momentarily, his thoughts going to his daughter Jenny. He wasn't sure how to tell Haley that he had an eight-month-old daughter. He hadn't been able to tell anyone, but he hadn't felt this guilty about keeping the information to himself with anyone else. She stared up at him with shining eyes and he couldn't help but think about how beautiful she was. He hadn't looked at anyone since Jenny had been born, but she had caught his attention with her wit and charm. He had noticed her around school, always helpful to those around her. That was what had made him invite her to the party tonight. She deserved something for herself. He blushed at his thoughts, he barely knew her, but he felt like he did. "I would like that." He stared at her house, noticing how empty and cold it looked, "Is no one home?"

She ducked her head sadly, "All asleep, no one waits up for me."

"It isn't that late."

"I—" she wasn't sure how to explain her family to him. Their peculiar habits and ways of living. "I'm not home much," she said instead, "Being one of twelve kids has its downfalls."

"Twelve kids, huh?" He noticed her change of subject and went with it, it wasn't his business. He knew what it was like to have secrets.

"Yeah, and I'm the youngest." She almost said that they had stopped caring by the time she was born, but she held that back. What was it about him that made her want to tell him all her deepest and darkest secrets? Things that only Luke knew about her.

"I was an only child, it must be nice having so many siblings."

"Sometimes. Luke and I are closer than I am to my brothers and sisters, we practically spent our whole childhood together." She chuckled.

"You're lucky to have a friend like him."

"We both are." She smiled and opened her car door, "I'll see you later, Jake."

"I'll be seeing you Haley." The promise of tomorrow hung in the night air as she walked to her door. She looked back at him and waved before disappearing into her house.

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Lucas cradled her slim body close to his own. Her head rested on his shoulder and she whimpered as he carried her into the house, moving her head into the crook of his neck. Her breath came out in shallow puffs, tickling the hairs on his neck. His loins responded to the sensation, but he pushed it down. He carried her up the stairs, carefully as if she would break if he wasn't careful. He nudged her door open with his shoulder and stepped in, the broken glass on the carpet crunching beneath his shoes. He paused momentarily at the sound before walking over to her bed. He laid her on it gently, careful not to jostle her head as he did so. She rolled up into a tight ball and shivered inside her wet clothes. He pulled off her shoes and socks, bringing her legs out as he did so. He went to the hallway and dropped her shoes on the hardwood floor.

She opened her eyes slowly and tried to focus. Tried to remember what had happened, she was so cold. Her body, hair, and clothes were drenched; the smell of chlorine filled the room. How did she get here? She coughed, the motion only causing bile to rise to her raw throat. She tried to lift her head up, but she felt like it was glued to the pillow beneath her soaked head. She heard someone walking into her room and froze. Lucas' face entered her field of vision and she felt tears spring to her dry eyes. "Lucas…" her voice sounded scratchy and raw. She noticed his clothes and body were wet as well. She wanted to reach out and touch his face, he looked so tired, but she didn't. She couldn't. "What happened?"

"You fell into the pool at Tim's." He felt as if he were dreaming, he had been so scared she wouldn't wake up. When he had seen her eyes open, he had never felt that relieved in his life. But he didn't want to say or do anything to scare her, no matter how much he wanted to touch her. He had to remain distant or he'd make it worse.

She shook her head, trying to remember. Flashes of memory floated through her tired brain; water, his arms, and darkness. "You saved me." She said in awe, her heart felt raw and open. She was too weak to fight him, too tired to turn him away. She knew it would change tomorrow and by the look in his eyes he knew it too. But maybe for tonight they could pretend it was simple. Pretend she was normal and that she wasn't too broken to let him in.

"I'm not a hero, Peyton, I did what I had to do." His voice sounded strangled and weak. He looked into her eyes, searching their depths, looking into her soul. Her eyes were huge, filled with pain and fear. He knew that if he touched her right now, she would welcome his arms. Fall into his body and let herself get lost in the moment. But then the moment would end and she would hate him for it. Or maybe she would hate herself. The wall of ice and stone would go back up and he'd be no closer to her heart than he had been before. It would be like starting over, but worse. So he ignored the silent invitation in her eyes. "I'll help you into the bathroom, you could use a hot shower."

She nodded silently and let him help her up. Her hand burned in his as he led her to the bathroom across the hall. His hands were gentle, not asking for more than she was willing to give. Before she entered the bathroom she looked up at him, searching his face, trying to figure him out. But it was like trying to see through a mask. She closed the door behind her and looked in the mirror. Her skin was pale and her hair was matted to her skull. She slowly undressed, studying her body in the mirror. _Too skinny_, she poked the spaces around her collarbone. _Too bony_, she touched her shoulders and elbows. Her stomach was concave; she wished she could eat more. She never felt hungry anymore. A large bruise covered her ribs; she lightly touched it, wondering where it came from.

She stepped into the shower and turned the water on, letting the scalding water hit her skin violently. She felt dirty, not only from the alcohol, but her life. She couldn't remember a time when she was innocent and trusting like Lucas. He gave to her so easily and never took anything. She had stood before him two nights in a row, offering herself to him, and he had turned her away. At least he didn't want to take unless she could give him more than her body. He wanted it all, her fears, dreams, joys, sorrows, her heart, and her soul. She didn't know how to give him what he really wanted. She wished she could. His heart was so large and he wasted it on someone like her.

And he was still there, rescuing her, making sure she was okay. Unwilling to have sex with her for some reason. She hadn't realized what she had been asking for until he had told her to shower. And her body had ached with need. And something inside shifted and shivered when his eyes said no. She wasn't sure how she'd feel tomorrow, but tonight she was lonely. She wanted to give the only thing she knew how, her body. It was the only thing Nathan had ever wanted. He had never seemed interested in her mind or her art. So she had learned to shut those needs out. And now when someone was asking for them she didn't know how to give.

Lucas had been standing outside the door since she had gone into the bathroom. He didn't know what else to do, he didn't want to sit in her room and invade her privacy. He didn't want to damage the fragile bond that was holding them together. His heart felt like it were being torn in half because he could feel that she needed him, but she didn't know how to show it. Didn't know how to handle it. He didn't either; it scared him to need her this way. She'd never know that he needed her just as much, if not more, than she needed him. His heart ached in misery. He touched the door lightly and at that moment she flung the door open, she was only wearing a towel around her slender body. He stared at her in shock, his body responding to the sight in front of him, "Your turn." She said and walked around him. It took him several moments to realize what she was talking about.

She grinned to herself, satisfied that he had reacted to the sight of her. She had never doubted he wanted her, maybe he wanted too much and she didn't want enough. Or maybe she was afraid of what that could mean. She shook her head and went into the bedroom. Twenty minutes later she was dressed in sweat pants and a baggy sweatshirt, she was still feeling like hell warmed over, but better than before. She could move her head without wanting to pass out. Lucas peeked in the doorway, "I need some clothes…." His cheeks were stained with a faint blush and Peyton laughed at his embarrassment. Nathan had never let him see that side of him; he always covered it in bravado and mock confidence. "The room to your left is my dad's room, there should be some dry clothes in there."

Lucas walked into the room a few minutes later, wearing grey pajama pants that sagged around his legs and a white t-shirt that was two sizes too big. "How do I look?" He did a mock twirl in front of Peyton and she laughed. It was the first time that night he had heard her sound happy and it made him feel good that he could be there to hear that. To be the cause of it.

"Simply gorgeous, darling." She said in a fake accent and chuckled.

He flashed her a wide smile and looked at the clock on her nightstand. 12:45."Well I should be going, it's late." He didn't want to overstay his welcome.

She stared up at him, her eyes becoming wide once again. She didn't want him to go, she just didn't want to be lonely. She was so tired of being alone in that empty house night after night. To be without him, the only one who seemed to understand her. The silence was deafening, "Please…" she picked at a piece of invisible fuzz on her comforter, refusing to look him in the eyes, "Stay."

He stared down at her bent head; her drying curls cascading down her back. She looked so lost and vulnerable. Like that day she had told him about her mom. He knew it was rare for her to take down her guard and let someone see into her heart. He couldn't have left now if he wanted to, he could feel her heart crying out to him, the way his was reaching out for her. "Yeah," he said softly, "I'll stay."

She looked up at him and their eyes locked. They both knew that tonight it was going to be like this. She would let him stay, but nothing would happen. He would sleep on the futon in her room and she would sleep to feel better. But in the morning everything would be different, she would be far away and he'd be helpless. They'd figure it all out in the morning, but tonight they could cheat the day.

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Nathan looked over at Brooke as he pulled up in front of her house. Mansion was a better word for the Davis residence. He stared at the extravagant iron wrought fence lining the sidewalk and the large bushes that sat within its borders. His eyes shifted to her sleeping form on the seat beside him. She had either fallen asleep or passed out, he wasn't sure. She had squeezed her lithe body into a tight ball, her head resting on the window frame. He had wrapped his letter jacket around her shoulders to help warm her. She had buried her nose into it. He touched her arm, "Brooke, wake up."

She groaned, stuck her head out from under his jacket, and opened her eyes, "Five more minutes." He shook her arm again and she realized she wasn't in bed avoiding school; she was in Nathan's car. She squinted at him, trying to focus on his face, "Hey handsome." Even when she was hung over she couldn't forget her plan to land Nathan Scott. This might be the last time she'd have him alone for a while. She had to take advantage of the moment.

"Brooke, I'm not in the mood."

"I know how to fix that," she reached a long arm towards his lap, but he grabbed her forearm.

"Your parents could walk out here any minute,"

"Doubtful. 'Daddy'," she said spat out bitterly, "is probably out screwing a slut at the local bar and 'mommy' has probably passed out."

He stared at her in silence; he had never realized her home life was bad. He had assumed her partying and sexual habits were a result of boredom. But the look on her face and the stab of bitterness to her voice told him otherwise. He felt a pang of sympathy for Brooke; maybe they were more alike than he thought. His mom didn't care what he did and his dad cared too much. He didn't know what it'd be like to have them both not care. Sometimes he thought it'd be nice to catch a break. "I'll help you inside then," She stuck out her lower lip, chewing on it, afraid he'd see her mother in another one of her drunken fits. Peyton was the only one at school who knew how her parents were. She liked to pretend her life was dull and perfect. He noticed the worried expression on her face, "I'm not asking, you may pass out in the doorway otherwise."

She nodded her head numbly and he got out of the door, coming to her side. He helped her out of the car and into the house, pressing his weight against hers; afraid she'd fall if he didn't. The front hall was large and cold, like a museum. And he had thought his house was unwelcoming, he couldn't imagine coming home to this everyday. He helped her to her room. It was large and heavily decorated with satins, lace, and fur, just as he had expected it to be. Instead of gaudy it seemed soft and feminine, a part of her that seemed to be hidden from the world. He still held her arm, keeping her steady, refusing to let go until they got to her bed. She sat down and pulled his jacket closer around her shoulders, not willing to give it back just yet, it made her feel safe. She shook her head, trying to erase the feeling of security that enveloped her, "I'll see ya, Davis."

He turned to leave and she stopped him, "What about your jacket?"

"You can give it back to me Monday." He turned back to the doorway and was about to go through it when he heard her call out softly, "Thanks, Nathan." He nodded his head, a hint of a smile playing on his lips.

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**A/N:** Thanks to everyone who keeps reviewing my work! I greatly appreciate it and I love feedback. I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, I worked hard on trying to show a new level to each relationship. I like to think they're all different and unique so I enjoy hearing what you all think of them. If you read, please review.


	5. The Way Things Are

**Summary: **Things are moving forward for Lucas and Peyton, Jake and Haley in the most unexpected ways.

**Disclaimer: **If I owned OTH the show would be like my fic. Therefore I don't own it.

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**Chapter Five: The Way Things Are**

Peyton sat in her car, letting the guitar strums from the radio flow over her. She wasn't ready to face the unanswered questions on the walls of her life. She just wanted to sit in her car and avoid it. To just live in her own world where only the music existed. She closed her eyes and let herself get lost in the words. _The world closes around me and you're all I see._ _A hero from the night, flying into tomorrow._ What if Lucas hadn't showed up when he had? Would she be alive right now? Or would she still be at the bottom of that pool, choking on the chlorine? She had never asked for a hero or even expected one. She didn't know how to react to him after the other night. She had let herself become vulnerable to him, if even for a moment and it made her feel naked. It had been easy to expose herself to him in the night, but with the light came back the feigned indifference. She had muttered a small thank you and practically forced him out the door. How was she supposed to face him today? Just thinking about it made it harder to breathe; she didn't want him to think of that small vulnerable mess that he had pulled out of the pool. And then there was Haley and Brooke. She wasn't sure how to approach them either after her tirade the other night. She couldn't remember what happened, but when she was drunk she was hateful. She groaned and rested her forehead against the steering wheel.

"Why, P. Sawyer you are alive." Peyton lifted her head and saw Brooke standing beside her door, flashing her trademark grin. Her reddish brown hair hung around her bare shoulders, touching the top of her yellow tube top. It didn't matter how cold it was, Brooke Davis would show off as much skin as possible as long as she could.

"Brooke," she let her best friends name hang on her lips, unsure of what to say next.

Brooke's mind traveled to the night of the party when she had tried to kiss her. She was slightly embarrassed that she had ever tried that, drunk or not. If it had been some other girl she would have shrugged it off more easily, but this was her best friend. "I'm not into you or anything if that's what your thinking." She lifted her bare shoulder and turned her head slightly to the side, "Vodka makes you do some crazy shit." She chuckled, turning the event into something entertaining.

Peyton nodded, her golden curls moving with her head. She knew this was Brooke's way of apologizing, words she would never say, but the emotion was there. "Let's just forget it,"

Brooke smiled, relieved that the subject had been dropped, "Well get your lazy ass out of your car," Peyton laughed and opened her door, linking arms with Brooke. They walked towards the school and Brooke said in a low tone, "What happened with wonder boy?"

Peyton threw her a look of uncertainty, for the first time unwilling to share the intimate details of her life with the brunette beside her. Every moment she spent with Lucas felt like a secret she wanted to keep to herself. He wasn't just another boy. He wasn't her friend and he certainly wasn't her lover. So what was he exactly? Would they ever be more than what they were or less? She didn't know what to say because the truth was she didn't know what happened. If things had changed between them or if they were the same as they had been Friday night. If the wall she had built around herself would stay intact or end up crumbling. She shrugged, "Nothing."

"Nothing?" Brooke gave her a look of disbelief, "I know you better than that P. Sawyer."

Peyton stared at her in silence for a moment, trying to find a way to distract her. She saw Nathan talking to Tim in front of the doors as they approached. She lowered her voice, "What happened with you and Nathan?"

Brooke stared at Nathan before answering, "Nothing," she said emotionlessly and lowered her eyes to make it appear she wasn't paying attention to him. She grinned mischievously when his eyes drifted towards her as they approached, she raised her eyes and their gazes connected briefly before he looked away, "yet."

The exchange hadn't gone unnoticed by Peyton; she knew them both too well to believe they weren't attracted to each other. With Brooke it was obvious, she wore her lust out on her sleeve, but Nathan was subtle. She shook her head as they walked through the glass doors, "I can't believe you're trying to land Nathan."

"Like you, I have a thing for Scott boys," she paused and wrinkled her nose at the sight of Lucas and Haley walking down the hallway, "bad Scott boys."

Peyton watched Lucas walk by from the corner of her eye. He looked at her in silence, his eyes were guarded, but curious. She moved her eyes away from his and turned back to Brooke, trying to focus on what they had been talking about, "And it doesn't bother you that we just broke up?" She knew her voice sounded unsteady, the brief exchange shook her heart in ways she hadn't expected.

They reached Peyton's locker and Brooke released her arm, and grabbed her shoulders before Peyton had a chance to open her locker. She looked into the eyes of her best friend, "Does it bother you because if it does, I'll stay away from him." Her tone was sincere and full of concern. She realized she had been selfish this weekend; first she had tried to hook Nathan back up with Peyton, then she had turned around and decided to chase after him. She hadn't really asked Peyton how that made her feel, she had just expected her to lose herself in wonder boy. "You're more important to me than any guy, hoes over bros always." She offered her a small smile.

Peyton stared at her friend, realizing that the thought of Nathan being with Brooke didn't bother her. Maybe it should, but it didn't. Their relationship had been dead way before it ended, "Fine with me, just beware, those Scotts can really crawl under your skin." Her grin was sarcastic, but her voice held a hint of sadness.

Brooke pulled her into a brief hug and then leaned back, "That's what I'm hoping for." She grinned wickedly and raised her eyebrows suggestively.

Peyton feigned a shudder and gave her disgusted look. "Thanks for the imagery,"

"Anytime, friend."

----------------

"Be careful you might get whiplash," Haley rolled her eyes at Lucas as Peyton and Brooke walked by.

Instead of letting himself throw her a brief glance he had been openly staring at her since she had come into the school. He stared at Peyton's retreating back, hoping she'd look back at him, smile at him, anything, but she didn't. He suppressed a sigh of defeat and turned back to Haley, "What?"

"Could you be any more obvious?" Haley stopped at her locker, which for some strange reason was located right next to his and turned the lock. She pulled out the books for her first few classes and placed them on her left arm.

He shrugged and put his books in his locker, "I don't know what you're talking about." He felt a faint blush rise to his cheeks at her words; he hadn't realized she caught him looking. When Peyton was around, he couldn't stop himself from looking at her.

She opened her mouth to retort when she heard a familiar voice behind her back, "Hey Haley."

She spun around rapidly, her eyes wide in shock, "Jake, hey!" She knew she sounded too excited and she was moving too fast. Her inexperience and nervousness was showing. She hadn't talked to him since the party and wasn't sure what to say now. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Lucas smirk and she made a mental note to smack him later.

Lucas cleared his throat, "I better get to class, I'll see you guys later." As he walked by Haley he winked and offered her a secret and small smile that was completely missed by Jake.

Before she could say anything Jake spoke, "You forgot this in my car the other night," he held out the plastic bracelet that Nathan had given her a few weeks ago. She reached out to grab the beads with her free hand and her fingers lightly touched his. A thrill of excitement tingled up her arm at the contact and she offered him a shy smile. "Thank you,"

Jake grinned at her, enjoying the softness of her face and the way she was looking up at him. Her eyes seemed to shine in the dim light of the hallway, the way they had glittered in the moonlight the other night. Something had changed between them from Saturday night to now. "The bracelet seems to be a little elementary school," he teased.

"It's lame I know." She shook her head and laughed, hiding her embarrassment at his comment.

"No, actually, it's cute." He blushed at his abruptness, "I mean, it just makes you unique."

"Jake about the bracelet—" she paused, unsure of how to tell him. How to explain that something that had meant something to her the other day was now just a bracelet out of Cracker Jack box. She stared at the bright beads until the colors started to blend together. It wasn't the same as it was before, she wasn't sure how things had changed so fast but the had. She laid the bracelet on top of the books in her arms, "Nathan gave it to me."

"Oh," his tone was low and he looked crestfallen.

"It isn't like that, not anymore. I meant what I said at the party Jake," she watched Nathan walk by with Tim, he didn't even bother to glance her way, "the two of us are on different planets."

"What about us?"

"We just might both live on Earth." She said softly.

He smiled at her, "Mind if I walk you to class?"

She shook her head and smiled, "Not at all," the bracelet fell onto the floor, but she wasn't aware of it because she was lost in the words of the boy at her side.

-----------

Lucas walked away from Haley and Jake with a small smile playing on his lips. He had always had a bad feeling about Nathan and it would have killed him to see someone as great as Haley with a jerk like him. He liked Jake, he considered Jake to be one of the best friends he had made on the team. He deserved someone as great as Haley. He hoped they'd work things out, he could see something there between them. A spark that could easily be brought to life given time. At least things were going well with one of them; he still didn't know what to think when it came to Peyton.

He saw her and Brooke standing at her locker, her blonde curls swaying with the movements of her head. He could almost hear her quiet laughter and see her sarcastic grin. It had been hard not to stop by her house or call her since he had left the other morning. He had promised himself he wouldn't; he wasn't going to push her. Some girls needed to be openly fought for, but that wasn't the case with Peyton. Against his better judgment he stopped at her locker, "Hey Peyton," he stared at her hair until she turned her head and looked into his eyes. Fear and apprehension flicked through her hazel eyes briefly, but were the emotions were quickly replaced with indifference. She nodded her head at him lightly and without looking Brooke's way he said, "Hey Brooke."

Brooke rolled her eyes, "Wonder boy," she snapped, wishing she could slam his head into the locker beside her. He was really in the way of her getting more dirt on Nathan. She was having a hard time remembering why she had been so fascinated by this proverbial geek. She didn't have the patience or time to seduce the virginal star player. She had been down that road and deflowering fumbling virgins wasn't her thing. Peyton and Lucas seemed oblivious to her presence; they hadn't stopped staring at each other since he had arrived. She definitely didn't need a boy like that in her life; he was too much of a brooder. "I need to get the answers to the chemistry test, I'll see you girls later." She smirked and stalked off before they had a chance to respond.

Peyton lowered her eyes and turned back to her locker, "Did you have a good weekend?" She knew it was the lamest thing to say, but she wasn't sure what else to say. How to find a way to thank him for everything he had done for her.

He hesitated and stared at her back, "Uh…it was okay. I saw you for most of it." She froze and he instantly regretted his words, "Peyton, look—"

"Luke….Lucas," she stopped and stared at the books in her locker, running her hand along the edge of one that protruded out of her locker, "I owe you." Her voice was so quiet he barely caught the words.

"For what?" He frowned in confusion at her words. It was difficult not to grab her shoulders and make her turn around, to face him. To tell him what she had to say while looking into his eyes. He could feel her hiding from him, hiding from her feelings for him.

"You know," she shrugged, "For saving me from drowning…whatever." She felt like her heart was being torn in half at her own words. She had never wanted to be the damsel in distress, the girl that needed to be saved by the white knight. She didn't know how to thank him when inside she was so angry at herself for letting herself get so drunk she couldn't function. She had watched Brooke act that way countless times and each time she ended up keeping Brooke out of harm's way the more she felt she owed her. The more she felt she had to be the one to save her. She loved Brooke, but sometimes she felt obligated to take care of her. She didn't want Lucas to feel that way about her, to look at her with duty and pity.

Lucas' heart contracted at the resignation he heard in her voice. More than anything he wanted to turn her around and pull her into a hug. To reassure her that whatever it was that was going on inside her head wasn't true. He could feel her struggling with her emotions and he just let her, even though it tore at his insides not to do anything. "You don't owe me anything, Peyton." He said softly, "We're friends."

"Are we?" She turned around and he was shocked to see the pain in her eyes, this time it lingered there a few moments before disappearing.

He nodded, "We're whatever you want us to be, Peyton." She stared at him incredulously, unable to respond to his words, "I'll be seeing you." He smiled sadly and turned and walked down the crowded hallway leaving a stunned Peyton behind.

----------

Brooke scanned the lunchroom and grinned in pleasure when she saw Nathan sitting at a table alone in the middle of the cafeteria. She strode over to him purposefully, confidence in every step and movement of her body. She could feel the male, and even some female, eyes rove her body as she approached Nathan. She noticed him slyly glance up at her without moving his head, trying to resist her charms. She leaned over the table, flashing a bit of cleavage as she did so, "Hey hottie," He silently nodded his head and popped a French fry in his mouth. "Mind if I sit here?"

He shrugged and continued wordlessly throwing French fries into his mouth. She wanted to growl in frustration, catching onto his game of silence. Two could play at that game. She plopped into the chair beside him and leaned over his body, making sure her breasts brushed against his chest as she did so. She snatched a French fry off his tray and slowly pulled back. She could feel everyone starting at them, whispering about her wantonness, but she didn't care. She didn't give a damn what anyone in this school thought about her. She brought the fry to her lips and nibbled on it slowly, making sure her lips puckered around it as it entered her mouth. His eyes were glued to her mouth until it was gone, then he looked away.

The leaned back in her chair, letting a cat-like grin fill her face, "The silent treatment, Nate, you're too creative for that."

"What do you want Brooke?" He felt his body harden with desire which only made the annoyance in his voice more pronounced.

"By now you should realize that I want you." She purred.

"You'll just have to keep wanting me Brooke because you're not getting anything from me." He started to stand up and she put her hand on his, he stared down at her wordlessly, "Don't," for a moment he saw the vulnerable girl he had seen a glimpse of the other night, but as quickly as it appeared it was gone. "Fine, but you're still not getting what you want."

She pulled her hand back and raised her eyebrows, "We'll see."

He had never met a female with as much confidence as Brooke Davis, despite his resistance, he couldn't help but admire that in her. He leaned forward, his face almost touching hers, and said in a low voice, "What makes you think that I want you?"

"I haven't been innocent in a long time, Nathan," she shrugged, "I can tell."

He didn't want to want her this way, not after everything that she had done. He found it frustrating that she was right. He growled, "After the bitchy thing you did at the party you expect me to fall for your little games."

She waved her hand in dismissal, "Tutor girl is not worth worrying about."

Her words hit a nerve and he stood up abruptly, "That's why you're never going to get what you want with me Brooke," He stared down at her with cold eyes, "you're heartless." He stalked away and everyone in the cafeteria stared at her. She shrugged her shoulders and followed him.

"Nathan!" Brooke shouted down the empty hallway outside the cafeteria doors.

"What?" He turned and looked at her with hard eyes.

"Has anyone ever told you that you're a dick?"

"Has anyone ever told you that you're a bitch?" He retorted.

She had heard the words countless times, but hearing him say it brought her a pang of pain. She wasn't sure why his opinion mattered because before Saturday night it never had. "You don't understand…"

"What is there to understand?" He practically shouted, "Haley is a nice girl she never did anything to you." With those words he realized why he was so angry, he had been using Haley the same way she was trying to use him. It had all been an elaborate game and he didn't like to be a pawn.

"She never did anything to you either, but you were using her to get back at Lucas and Peyton." He wanted to deny her words, but they were true. "It killed you to see her kissing Lucas the other night didn't it?" She snapped, "You just couldn't stand that. The best way to hurt Lucas was to hurt Haley."

He stood speechless for several moments and finally said quietly, "How do you know that?"

"You and I—" she paused, "We're more alike than you think." She spun on her heel and walked back into the lunchroom.

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**A/N:** Thanks to all my loyal readers and reviewers. Sorry this update took so long, things have been hectic with school, but I haven't forgotten this fic. I hope you enjoyed the latest update, I appreciate all the feedback I get. This part may be a little frustrating, but I'm trying to buildup each relationship. Brooke and Nathan are very explosive characters who share more similarities than differences. That realization is what is going to bring them closer together.


	6. On the Inside

**Summary: **Basically it's just an evaluation of all the relationships in the fic.

**Disclaimer: **I don't OTH, if only I did….

**-----------**

**Chapter Six: On the inside**

Peyton stared down at her sketchpad. Two figures stood facing each other, the female had her back pressed against her locker and the male stood in front of her at a safe distance. Lucas' face was clearly drawn in even and dark lines, but hers was a mask of confusion. _We're anything you want us to be, _his words echoed in her head and vibrated onto the page. The words that had come out of his mouth with so much confidence translated into a shaky jumble of words on the page in front of her. The lines weren't straight but curved and bent to the right and left. Chaos and confusion screamed from the page into her brain, drilling holes into her tired mind. It had been a week since he had stood at her locker and told her that, a week full of small talk and feigned friendship. She had opted to avoid the subject as long as possible. Afraid that any day he'd ask if she had figured it out yet, but he hadn't. She still didn't know what they were….

She felt a body fall onto the bed next to her and flinched in shock as the bed dipped down. She hadn't heard the front door open, "Ugh," Brooke groaned and buried her nose into the brightly colored comforter before her. Peyton shoved her sketchpad off the bed, hoping the gentle thud it made as it hit the ground had gone unnoticed by the brunette at her side. "Life sucks P. Sawyer," she flipped over and stared at the white tiles on the ceiling.

Peyton brought her knees against her chest and rested her chin on top of them. She peered down at Brooke from her sitting position and rolled her eyes. "What has Nathan done now?" She asked with a note of amusement in her voice. She had watched Nathan and Brooke throw each other secret glances all week, surprised they hadn't talked to each other by now. But given how stubborn each of them were she should have expected it.

"He's such an ass," she gnawed on her full bottom lip and moved her brown eyes over to Peyton's tired face. "I should've known," she threw her a half smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.

Peyton knew what Brooke meant, but she didn't want to talk about her relationship with Nathan. Everything with him and Lucas was so screwed up. She had messed it up with both of them. "Nathan…" Peyton paused and knitted her brows in thought, "tries."

"To be an ass?"

"No," Peyton chuckled, "he has an image to uphold." She knew it was a lame thing to say, but Brooke did the same thing everyday. Putting on appearances, keeping up with the reputation that she had had for years.

Brooke grabbed a pillow next to Peyton's spot feet, pressed it over her face, and screamed. After a few minutes she threw the pillow on the floor and rolled over. "Is it wrong that the more of an ass he is the more I want to fuck him?"

Peyton rolled her eyes, "God, Brooke…"

Brooke sat up, leaned towards Peyton, and lowered her voice, "Come on, P. Sawyer you have to admit his cocky nature is what makes him so damn sexy." She grinned and winked, "The more he blows me off and avoids my sexual advances the more crazy he drives me." She sighed, "I may have to find other ways of relieving myself," she wiggled her eyebrows suggestively.

Peyton laughed, "I don't really want to hear what you do behind closed doors."

She shrugged and sighed again, "Seriously though P, I just don't know how to get past his defenses."

"Nathan doesn't play games, Brooke. He's a straight forward kind of guy, just ask him out."

"Now, what would the fun in that be?" She raised an eyebrow and smirked.

She raised her head off her knees and cocked her head in curiosity, "When was the last time you talked to him?"

"Last week when I called him a dick." She said flippantly.

"Great way to get in his pants, B."

"I just told him like it is, not my fault he couldn't handle it."

"Is there any guy that can handle you?" Peyton laughed.

She shrugged, "That would imply I wanted to be tied down which I don't." She narrowed her eyes, "Speaking of commitment, how are things going with wonder boy? Engaged yet?"

Peyton rolled her eyes, "Thing with Lucas…." she trailed off, turned her head, and focused on an invisible spot on the wall. "Just friends." She said weakly, not believing the words as they left her mouth.

"Are you really?" Peyton's thoughts wandered to the drawing she had just finished. She moved her eyes away from the wall, brought her hands up and stared at them, focusing on the black ink that stained her fingernails. She lifted her shoulders in a light shrug and shifted the conversation in another direction.

-----------

"Let me get this straight, you told her that you were whatever she wanted you to be?" Haley stared at Luke in shock, watching him sink ever lower in the chair in front of her computer. She couldn't believe he hadn't told her what had been going on until now. She hadn't talked to Peyton since the night of the party, unsure of what to say to her. At least that was part of the reason. She had been spending a lot of her time with Jake the past week. She shook her head, banishing her thoughts of Peyton and Jake, focusing instead on her best friend.

"No…" he rubbed his weary head, "well….yeah…." he sighed, "not exactly."

"Luke, have you lost your mind?" She shrieked, jumped off her bed, and started to pace. It had been a nervous habit of hers for years.

"Hales, I don't even know what I'm doing anymore." He groaned and rested his head on the wooden desk in front of him. He focused on the dark wood in front of his eyes, tracing the circles in his mind. "She drives me crazy. One minute things seem to be progressing and then bam, it just stops." He sighed into the wood, "She retreats and I have no idea what to do."

"Telling her to decide what you are wasn't the best move." She said as calmly as she could muster. She knew she was overreacting, but she hated to see him in such emotional misery. She wanted to help him any way she could.

"So I noticed," he said wryly.

"Check with your best friend before you do stupid things." He lifted his head and glared at her. He grabbed a stuffed duck off her desk and threw it at her, "Hey, watch it." She laughed and continued to pace.

He propped his elbow on the desk and rested his chin in his hand, "Why was it stupid exactly?"

She stopped pacing and stared at him for several minutes before answering, "Peyton isn't like most girls, she doesn't know what she wants. Asking her to make that decision puts too much pressure on her." Her thoughts wondered to Jake; they had been spending a lot of time together and she found herself wanting more than friendship. But at the same time she was scared to want that. She didn't have any experience where boys were concerned; she had always put school first.

"Like you with Jake?" He said with a note of amusement in his voice, recognizing the far away look in her eyes.

"Whoa," Haley stared at him with wide eyes, "Where did that come from?"

He chuckled, "I don't hear denial anywhere in that sentence."

"Jake and I are just…." She stopped, not sure what they were exactly.

"Friends?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah," she looked away and bit her bottom lip.

"Just like me and Peyton." He shot back, "Friends."

"Okay, I get it. We're not friends, but we're not more than that either." She sighed and threw herself onto her bed, "At least that's not all I want to be." She picked at a piece of fuzz on her bedspread.

"What's going on, Hales?" He stared at her back in concern, "You can talk to me."

"He's just so…distant." She struggled to find the words to explain how she was feeling, "I know we haven't been talking long, but we've spent so much time together. He's had chances to kiss me and never does." Not that she expected it, but he hadn't even tried to. At least she didn't think so.

Luke held back the chuckle he could feel rising in his throat. He rarely saw her like this; usually she was the sensible one. "Jake is old fashioned, he takes his time."

"Maybe he doesn't think I'm pretty or…." She said quietly, her hidden insecurities rising to the surface.

"Hales, of course he thinks you're pretty." He said gently, wanting to reassure her. He could tell by the way Jake looked at her that he felt something real for her. It was in the way he talked about her and how his face seemed to light up every time she was near.

She looked over her should at him and raised her eyebrows, "Yeah?"

"Yeah." He smiled.

--------------

Nathan raced down his concrete driveway, basketball in hand, toward the basket. All he saw was the hoop in front of him, everything else didn't matter. Every other second the ball would smack the hard ground. Swishing from hand to hand, right to left, left to right. Sweat dripped down his forehead and his body felt weak, but he pressed on. He had to keep pushing himself until he ran out of sunlight. He couldn't stop; his dad would ride his ass if he did. Every day he not only put in formal practice with the team he came home and continued on his own turf. He lived and breathed the game; it brought him more pain than pleasure.

He jumped into the air with the ball and they were flying up into the basket. He hung onto the rim for several seconds before dropping to the ground. Success was bittersweet, he had been too slow, he jumped too late. He had to train himself to more agile and quick, he couldn't let Lucas out do him. He couldn't lose his spot on the team and he wasn't going to let that punk ass beat him. He was a Scott, a real Scott, and Scotts never lost. They couldn't.

He heard someone clapping and he turned his head to see Brooke Davis standing at the end of his driveway. She moved towards him, her hips moving from side to side. Her hair flowed over her shoulders with the wind. His loins hardened in suppressed desire. He hated the way his body responded to her. He knew what her game was, what her aim was. Maybe, just maybe he was just as bad as she was. He had used Haley to make Peyton jealous and to piss Lucas off. He had had the chance to make things right with Haley, but he had found he wasn't interested. Maybe Brooke was better than he was; at least she was honest about her intentions.

He hadn't talked to her since she had called him a dick, a title he knew he deserved. The only one who had ever dared to challenge him was Peyton and that had only been because they had been together so long. Brooke wanted him, but she wasn't going to lie and try to please him just to get what she wanted. That was what made her different than all the other girls who had ever chased after him. He wanted her too, he couldn't deny it, but he didn't want to be another notch in her bedpost. He could play her game, but she wouldn't win. Nathan Scott never lost a battle.

"Davis," he wiped the sweat off his forehead with a towel he had sat to the side of the driveway.

"Scott," she stopped a few feet away from him and watched him take a drink of water. She admired the way his muscles bulged and stretched as he turned towards her. "Never get off the court do you?" She cocked her head to the side, finding herself truly interested in his answer. She had known he was dedicated, but this was going above and beyond what she had expected.

"Real winners never do." He squinted at her, "What are you doing here?" He slung the towel around his neck to catch the sweat on the back of his neck.

"Peace offering," she held her arm out, revealing the letterman jacket she had been carrying. She had intended to give it back before now, but she had found she loathed to part with it. She wasn't sure why she was so attached to it and she didn't feel like analyzing it. "Thought you might want this back."

He stared down at her extended hand, but didn't reach out to grab it, "Thanks, but I don't want it." He shrugged his shoulders in indifference, not really caring if he had it or not. He had only worn it because his dad and teammates had expected it.

She frowned in confusion, "What?" She had expected anger or possibly gratitude, but his nonchalant attitude took her by surprise. He was staring down at his jacket as if he didn't recognize it.

A slow smile spread across his face, "Bring it to the game tomorrow night."

She shook her head in confusion, "Why?" His request had thrown her off guard; she had expected him to be more difficult. She braced herself for what he'd say next, expecting one of the barbs he usually threw her way.

He leaned down and pressed his lips to her ear. He felt her shiver in desire and his grin widened, "Bring it and find out."

-----------

Lucas stared at Peyton's front door, unsure of whether or not he should knock on it. He had been standing there for fifteen minutes arguing with himself. He hadn't meant to pressure Peyton into making a decision. He hadn't realized what had been going on until Haley had told him. He knew he could be dense sometimes, but this one really topped all his past stupidities. He wasn't good with girls; he hadn't really been interested in anyone before Peyton. He had had crushes, but the way he had felt for them paled in comparison to the way he felt for Peyton. He cared so much that it hurt sometimes. Hurt just thinking about how lost and broken she had been. He could sense it in her every time he was around her.

He was lucky to have a stable relationship with his mother, but what did she have? A long distance relationship with her father and distant memories of her mother. He had never really known his father, which he was glad for more and more each day, but at least he had his mom. He also had a best friend that he could count on and sometimes he got the feeling Brooke didn't understand Peyton. He wished there was something he could do for her, but he could barely be her friend. He had to put imaginary pressure on her by simply being around her. But at the same time he didn't know how to _not_ be around her.

He sighed and turned from the door, deciding not to push her anymore than he already had. The door opened and he heard her say, "Lucas, what are you doing here?"

He blushed and slowly turned around. "I thought maybe Haley was here," he had to prevent himself from cringing at his own lie.

She frowned at him, but decided to brush off his words. "I haven't talked to her in a while,"

"Oh, okay," He looked down at the tip of his shoes. "I'll see you," he paused, "Peyton."

She watched him turn away, knowing that if she let him go now she'd regret it, "Luke….Lucas…wait." He turned and looked at her expectantly, "About what you said—" she hesitated, trying to find the words to explain how she felt inside.

He watched her struggling with words and decided to speak before she had a chance to push him away again, "Peyton, when I said that, I wasn't think—"

She interrupted, "I can't tell you—"

He interjected, trying to make the conversation easier on her, "It's okay, I don't need an answer."

She nodded her head slowly and smiled at him hesitantly. She didn't know much, but she knew she still wanted him in her life. She still wasn't sure in what capacity that would end up being, but she was willing to give it a chance to work itself out. "So…uh…" She looked at the book in his hand and smiled to herself, "What are you reading?"

He looked down at the book he was holding, a book he had forgotten about. "My mom is going to Italy, so I thought I'd do some reading on Italian culture."

"She is, huh? Why?" She stepped off her porch and came closer to him, stopping a few feet away from him.

"She got accepted into a cooking class over there."

"Oh," she let the word swirl around in her mouth, trying to concentrate on the conversation, "How long will she be gone?"

"Six weeks." He watched the answer register in her brain; he could tell her thoughts were racing because his were too. They were talking about his mom, but their minds weren't focused on it. He looked at her house; it looked so lonely, like her. He let the sadness that saturated the air settle in his stomach, deciding to open up to her in a way he hadn't before. "I'm not used to being alone, my uncle Keith will be around, but it won't be the same."

Peyton looked up at him through her curls and smiled sadly, understanding how he was going to feel, "When does she leave?"

Her eyes were empathetic and it warmed his heart in a way he hadn't expected, "Saturday morning."

She nodded slowly, "You're lucky, you know?"

He frowned in confusion, "What do you mean?"

She lifted her shoulder slightly in a light shrug, "You just are," her tone was quiet and low. Her heart ached because he knew his mom would be back and when she would return to him. She had never known she'd lose her mom and she never knew when her dad would show up in her life again. She shook her head, banishing the flicker of grief that had filled her chest.

He nodded his head slowly, "I am." He looked into her hazel eyes and they both knew what she had meant and what he was saying. It was a moment of comfortable silence and understanding. Everything was contained in a look, more than could ever be said with words.

----------

Jake turned over in bed, staring at the dark wall beside him. He hadn't been sleeping much the past couple of days, Jenny had been sick with a fever so he had been sitting by her crib, making sure she was okay. He had gone to school, but all his other time was spent with his daughter. He knew he had been blowing off Haley after school, without explanation, but Jenny came first. She had been the most important person in his life the moment she had been born.

He liked Haley, more than he had liked anyone since Jenny's mom had left. The past week he had spent with her had been nothing short of wonderful. It amazed him they had grown so close in such a short amount of time. He felt like he had known her all his life and was constantly captivated by her wit, beauty, humor, and intelligence. But things were moving too fast, he barely knew her and he couldn't just shove his responsibilities away to spend time with her. Even if that was something he wanted.

He knew she wanted more than just friendship with him, he could tell by the way she looked at him when she thought he wasn't paying attention. To be honest, he wanted more too, but he had to slow things down. He couldn't just jump into a relationship with her because he had someone else to think of. It was something he still hadn't told her or anyone outside his family. He didn't know how and it was too soon. His mind knew all these things, but his heart told him to take a chance on Haley. But he couldn't…not yet. Given time he could.

Brrrrrrrrrinnnnng. Brrrrriinnnnng. He twitched when the phone blasted the silence of his bedroom. He looked at the digital clock on his bedside table, 10:23 PM. He picked up the phone and said groggily, "Hello?"

"Jake?" He heard Haley's nervous voice on the other end.

"Hey, Haley," he smiled into the phone.

"I hope I didn't wake you up," he could imagine her chewing her bottom lip as she asked the question, a nervous habit he had noticed a few days ago.

"No, I was trying to sleep, but no luck,"

"Yeah, me neither," she said with a chuckle, "I'm a regular night owl."

He laughed, "Me too," he paused, "At least I used to be until…" he stopped himself, for the hundredth time that week; almost confessing he had a child. He felt like smacking himself in the head, but he resisted.

She waited for him to finish, but after several seconds of silence she said, "Until…?"

"I joined the team," he lied, hating himself for being such a coward.

"Oh," he could hear her shift on the other end, "You have a game tomorrow night, right?"

"Yeah," he almost sighed in relief, "Are you going?"

"Yeah, I usually go." She paused, trying to get the guts to ask him out, but the words never came. "Well I better let you go,"

"Okay," he said, hearing the disappointment in her voice, "And Haley?"

"Yeah?"

"I'll see you there," he smiled into the phone before hanging up.

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**A/N:** This chapter isn't my favorite, but I'm trying to set up what will happen in the next one. I know that some of the relationships seem to be moving fast, like Jake/Haley, but later in the fic there will be more obstacles and issues standing between them. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and please review if you read it. I really appreciate feedback, thanks. 


	7. Family Matters

**A/N: **Sorry it took me so long to get this updated, I've been suffering from writers block and there were a lot of issues I wanted to deal with in this chapter to help set up what will occur later. Jake and Haley are not in this chapter, I am putting them on the back burner for now, but they will make an appearance again.I just feel build up for Nathan/Brooke and Peyton/Lucas is crucial at this point. I hope you see the connections between each pairing in this chapter, enjoy. And please review if you read.

**Disclaimer: **I wish I owned OTH, but I obviously don't.

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**Chapter Seven: Family Matters**

A shaft of sunlight streamed through the small window of the attic, hitting the particles of dust that crowded the dim space. They appeared to shimmer across the floor, twirling along the hardwood, and dancing through the air. They were suspended in mid air, frozen like the memories that filled the boxes littering the floor. Peyton hesitantly placed her foot in the doorway of the large room, a room she hadn't entered in years. Her boots created a dull thud that lingered in the air for a split second before fading into the silence. She pressed her hand against her racing heart, feeling it pound against her palm. She sucked in a deep breath, letting the dust filled air enter her lungs, her clogged lungs protested, creating a cough that shook through her body. She gripped the wooden doorframe until the dry coughing subsided.

She almost wanted to laugh at how silly this all was. Being scared of the memories that lived in this attic. Pictures and objects she had avoided since her mom had died. She moved away from the doorway. Her eyes fell onto a worn cardboard box that laid a few feet in front of her. Fear gripped her stomach and twisted it into a tight knot. She wanted to turn away, to leave without facing the ghosts that haunted this attic, but her feet felt glued to the wooden floor beneath her. She knew she couldn't leave, not when she had finally gained the courage to do this. She swallowed the salvia that had risen into her dry throat and took another step forward.

The room seemed to spin around her, trying to throw her off balance. She pressed her teeth together and forced down the fear that threatened to consume her weak stomach. She tripped on an imaginary crack in the floor and crashed into the box she had been moving towards. A sharp, invisible object in the box stabbed her between her in the ribs and she winced in pain. She extended her legs out as far as she could and slowly sat up, placing her butt on her outstretched legs. She pressed her right hand to her forehead, trying to ease the spinning sensation that filled her eyes. Sweat dripped down her forehead onto her hand, seeping into her pale skin. She hadn't realized how hot it was up here. She waved her left hand beside her face, creating a slight breeze that cooled the warm skin of her face.

A cloud moved over the sun outside the tiny window, blocking the little sunlight that had filled the room only a few minutes before. The already dim room became even darker and she shivered slightly. She felt foolish, scared of the dark. She hadn't been scared of the dark since her mother had died. After that, nothing scared her. _Except this_. Her memories of the woman she had barely known. Her heart. Her feelings. The possibility of being left by someone she loved again. She shook her head, why did it always come back to that? Her mother's death was connected to all her fears, fears she was aware of and fears she had yet to face. All her feelings were connected to one moment in time, an instant that changed her life forever. Who would she be if her mother hadn't died? Would she be less afraid to let herself feel something for someone? _For Lucas, _her heart whispered. She pushed her jumbled thoughts away and focused on the box she had fallen on several minutes before.

She placed her hand on the opening of the now flattened box and let it sit there as a hundred questions flitted through her mind. What would she find inside it? Would it heal some of the wounds that had been cut into her heart or would it only cause them to bleed even more? Would she learn more about the mother she had only known for a short time or would she only ask more questions? Would they bring her closer to figuring out her own life? She took a deep breath, trying to still her rapidly pounding heart. The fear that had filled her stomach as soon as she had considered coming up here rose to her throat, almost choking her. Sweat dripped down her forehead, running down her small nose, and falling onto the box in question. She stared at the splash of moisture for several minutes, trying to clear her mind.

She quickly flipped the box open before she could change her mind. She touched the first thing her eyes rested on, an old Tree Hill cheerleading uniform. She picked it up; causing the dust that had been embedded into the blue fabric to rise into the air. She sneezed when it slid up her nose. "Stupid dust," she muttered to herself and pulled it out of the box with her head turned to the right. She placed the moth eaten uniform onto her lap and ran her fingers over the rough fabric. She could almost remember the way her mother's clothes would scratch against her skin when she'd hug her. She closed her eyes against the tears that threatened to spill from her hazel eyes.

"_Peyton, hunny,"_ her mother's voice rose from the darkness of her mind. A sound that she had suppressed for the past decade. She squeezed her eyes even tighter together as a long ago memory filled her quiet mind.

_In her mind's eye she could picture her eight-year old self turning her head at the sound of her mother's voice, "Yes, mommy?" her voice was low, full of curiosity. _

"_Come here," her mother patted her lap and Peyton came automatically and settled onto her lap. Peyton rubbed the fabric of her mother's dress. She always wore dresses, always the perfect lady. Her mother stroked her blonde curls, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"_

_Without hesitation she said, "You,"_

Peyton opened her eyes, letting only one tear trickle down her cheek before pressing the rest of them back. She didn't want to cry over this anymore. She had cried a million tears in the past decade and she refused to let the memory shake her reserve. Her heart felt weighed down onto her ribs, she could barely breathe. She could never be the lady her mother had been. The captain of the cheer squad. Full of light and goodness. Always good for everyone around her, unlike her. She was never good for anyone, she only hurt people. All because her mother left. All because she couldn't stop striving to be who her mother had been. She was competing with a ghost. A ghost that always won.

She vaguely heard the phone ringing downstairs; she jumped up, abandoning the uniform and the memories as she rushed out of the room and down the stairs. She grabbed the phone on the last ring; "Hello?" her voice was raw and emotionless.

"Hey, Peyton, it's Lucas," She didn't bother to respond to his statement, waiting for him to giver her a reason for his calling. "You're coming to the game, right?"

"Yeah I'm coming," normarily the question would have annoyed her, but she was too weary to care.

Lucas took notice of her flat tone, "You okay?"

"I'm fine…."

"You sure?"

"Yes I'm sure," the lie easily escaped her lips.

"Listen, my mom and I need a ride to the game, our car broke down and there's not time to fix it. Could you pick us up in ten minutes?"

"I can pick you up, that's cool….okay, see ya."

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Lucas hung up the phone, a frown marring his somber face. Something was wrong. Her voice had been flat, containing no warmth or emotion. He had wanted to reach out to her, but he knew that she would only open up when she was ready. _If that time ever came._

"Who was that?" His mom appeared in the doorway behind him.

"Peyton," he said tonelessly, his head still wrapped around the brief conversation they had just had.

"Yeah?" She raised her black eyebrows and gave him a knowing look. She studied his tense frame, waiting for him to tell her what had been said.

"She said she could give us a ride to the game," he tried to sound indifferent, but his concern seeped into his voice.

"And…?"

"Something's wrong, I just don't know what,"

She nodded silently and after a few minutes said softly, "You really care about this girl, don't you?"

He blushed, he hadn't realized it was so obvious, "Just friends," he shrugged as indifferently as he could muster, repeating the title she had given them.

"That's why you called her instead of Keith," she winked, trying to lighten the mood to no avail. He just stood in the middle of the living room, staring at her blankly. She sighed and walked out of the room.

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Brooke cautiously stepped into her mother's bedroom. The long, red curtains were drawn across the large windows that filled the wall across from the doorway she was standing in. The room was cloaked in darkness; the only thing she could see clearly was the red digital numbers flashing from the clock on the bedside table. The light from the hall was blocked by her petite frame, glowing around her head and falling onto a tiny patch of wood beneath her feet. She moved into the room, causing the light to hit her mother's face briefly before darkness filled the room once again. Her mother groaned and flipped over, her hand hitting the bedside table. "Too early," she mumbled into her pillow, a bottle of pills falling out of her hand.

Brooke slowly approached the bed, making sure not to startle her mother any more than she had. She scrunched her nose up when the scene of vodka hit her nostrils. She heard a rattling sound as her foot hit the open bottle of pills her mother had dropped. She looked down and saw the tiny white capsules scatter across the wood. She felt her heart drop to her knees as a prickle of tears filled her brown eyes. Her mother had promised to stop taking her medication with alcohol; she had begged her a few weeks ago to stop after having to rush her mother to the hospital for the millionth time. It was hard to take care of her all the time, to worry about her.

She sat down on the bed and stroked her mother's face. A face that was wrinkled and worn from years of drug use and alcohol abuse. "Open your eyes," she pleaded, her heart knocking against her ribcage in cold fear. She couldn't leave the house for the game until she knew her mother was okay. _Maybe she just passed out,_ she reassured herself. The thought offered little comfort, but it was better than the multitude of alternatives that flitted through her brain in the matter of five seconds. She stroked her mother's dull brown hair off her forehead before standing up. "I wish things could be different," she whispered into the quiet room, but her words fell on deaf ears. She sighed and pulled the sheet over her mothers back. Even if she could stay there was nothing she could do for her until she came out of her stupor.

It was an uphill battle she fought against her parents. Her father was never home to care and her mother was always home in the physical sense. Her mind was rarely there, living in another time and place. Barely aware of what surrounded her. _The daughter that needed someone to love her. _Brooke shook her head, ridding herself of the thoughts and feelings that should stay buried. She had realized long ago that her parents would never love her the way they should. Her mother was an alcoholic with severe issues with depression and her father was a cold, distant ass who only cared about himself. It was almost as if she were on her own, making her own choices about the way to live her life. A life she spent away from home as often as possible.

It was moments like these she regretted using popularity and all that it entailed as a way to escape her dismal reality. Drowning herself in parties, clothes, alcohol, and sex to forget for even a moment that her mother was always drugged up and her father didn't care. Some days it hurt more than others, she had learned a long time ago to shrug it off. It was easier that way. Easier than admitting that she was weak, that she could hurt, and bleed just like anyone else. She didn't deal well with emotions. So she only thought of it when she had to, like now.

She leaned down, scooped the scattered pills back into the bottle, and snapped the lid back on. She was going to have to start hiding her mother's medication better. For tonight she'd just take it with her so her mother wouldn't wake up and decide to take more than she was prescribed. She didn't want her night to be ruined by having to rush to the hospital. No tonight she was on a mission, to forget her sorrows by taking comfort in the arms of Nathan Scott. The grin that filled her face was filled with sorrow, an emotion she rarely let herself feel.

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Peyton stood awkwardly on Lucas' front porch. She had been standing there for the past five minutes, trying to calm the nerves that had been eating away her stomach lining. _This is ridiculous_, she admonished herself, _it's not like we're dating or anything_. Meeting parents just wasn't her thing. They usually didn't like her because she could never seem to say the right thing. Parents seemed to be serious and opposed to any form of humor. Which ironically was her way of relating to people around her. _Just knock,_ she demanded. Before she could change her mind she quietly knocked on the door in front her. She took a step backwards as the door swung open.

Peyton found herself coming face to face with a short, dark head woman with wide eyes and a kind smile. She smiled and extended her hand, "Hello, you must be Peyton, I'm Karen, Lucas' mom."

Peyton smiled hesitantly, surprised she hadn't gasped upon seeing a cheerleader dressed in dark jeans, a black rock and roll t-shirt, and a short leather jacket. After a few seconds she extended her hand and shook the one that had been offered to her, "Hi, Mrs. Roe."

She laughed, "You can call me Karen, 'Mrs. Roe' makes me sound so old."

Peyton chuckled, "Well, Karen, can I come in or do I have to stand in the doorway all night?" She cringed inwardly at her own words, these kind of cracks were exactly why parents didn't like her.

Karen flashed her a grin, she reminded her of herself at that age. "Excuse my manners, come in," she moved to the side, allowing Peyton to slide by her.

As they walked into the living room, Peyton observed her surroundings. The house was small but tidy. The house felt…warm. Full of love, laughter, and good memories. It made her feel….safe. Something she had never truly felt in her own house. "Nice place," she nodded thoughtfully. Just being here made her feel closer to Lucas, it made her feel uncomfortable and good at the same time. _You're such a nerd,_ she laughed to herself.

"Thanks," Karen smiled.

_Say something Peyton. _"So…where's Lucas?"

"Getting changed,"

She chuckled, "He's worse than a girl,"

"This is nothing, you should be here when he has to dress up,"

The smile on her face quickly faded as her eyes fell upon a picture of Karen as a cheerleader, reminding her of the questions that had been plaguing her for hours. "Mrs. R—,Karen," she hesitated as her name escaped her lips, she wasn't used to calling adults by their real name. "mind if I ask you something kind of personal?"

"Sure," Karen smiled warmly, finding herself intrigued by the blonde standing in front of her. She indicated the couch and they sat down simultaneously, "go ahead,"

"See the thing is," Peyton stared at her fingernails, focusing on the chipped nail on her right hand, "I don't mean to be blunt or anything, but---" she pressed her lips together, trying to collect the thoughts racing through her mind, "I was just wondering if you knew my—" before she could finish her thought, Lucas entered the room dressed in his basketball shorts and blue tank. She turned her head and smirked, forcing the vulnerability she had been feeling to disappear, "Well look who it is,"

Lucas studied Peyton for a moment, trying to figure out what had been on her mind earlier, but the wall was up now. She wouldn't let him see through it, at least not now. "Hey, Peyton,"

Peyton crinkled her nose up in feigned horror, "You get dressed before you leave the house?" she raised her eyebrows and chuckled, "You're such a girl,"

He looked down, "Hey…it's either this or misplace my clothes again,"

Peyton rolled her eyes, "Is that what you call it when the team steals your clothes?"

"Whatever, Peyt. At least I'm ready for the game unlike you."

"And wear that uniform before I have to? I don't think so."

Karen laughed, "I hated wearing my uniform when I cheered,"

"Plus you look so cool wearing it outside the gym," There was just something about Karen that made her feel at ease. She didn't feel like she had to be someone she wasn't, Karen seemed to accept her as she was.

"Hey!" he smiled, seeing his mom and Peyton interact so naturally made him happier than it should, "This isn't fair, Haley isn't here to back me up,"

"Speaking of Haley, are we picking her up on the way?" Karen asked with raised eyebrows.

"No, she's getting a ride with Jake."

"Jake? Isn't he a friend of yours on the team?"

"Yeah," Lucas walked towards the door, "Are we ready?"

"Of course we are, we spent the last ten minutes waiting on you to brush your hair," A wry laugh emitted from Peyton's throat.

"Funny, Peyt, real funny." His blue eyes twinkled when he turned, their eyes locking for a few minutes before she broke the contact by lowering her eyes.

"I thought so." A faint blush filled her cheeks, for no reason other than the look in his eyes. The want she could see there, a need that terrified her more than she cared to admit. What made it even worse was that she knew his mom was watching them closely.

Karen watched her son and Peyton exchange barbs with a hint of amusement playing on her lips. She touched Peyton's leg lightly, "What did you want to ask?" her voice was low so only Peyton could hear.

"Uh….nothing, it doesn't matter."

"Are you sure?"

Peyton swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat, "Yeah."

"Are you coming or what?" Lucas shouted from the doorway.

"His majesty calls," Peyton's laughter was followed by Karen's as they left the house.

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"Nathan, get in the car," Dan Scott growled.

"Dad, I told you I'm not getting in the car with you," Nathan's said stubbornly.

"You have some nerve, don't you?" Dan shouted, standing by the driver's side of the car, "If it wasn't for me you wouldn't be part of this team. This is the thanks I get." He threw his hands in the air in contempt.

"No, dad, I earned my spot on the team and you know it, you're just jealous that your glory days are over." Nathan walked closer to his dad, pressing his face close to his old man's, "I'm going to beat your score, dad," his voice was low, but full of power. He wasn't going to be bullied around anymore, he owned that court. Him, Nathan Scott, not Dan or the memories of the days of his youth.

"You'll never be as good as I was."

"Was, dad." He took a step back and shrugged, "It's over."

"Fine," Dan opened the door and sat in front of the wheel, "You just better hope and pray you win the game tonight and if you let Lucas and Whitey take that away from you, you'll have to answer to me." He jerked his thumb to his chest before slamming the door shut.

"Goodbye, _Dad_," He said, not caring that his dad couldn't hear him anymore. It wasn't like that was new anyways. He could stand his ground, but in the end it didn't matter because his dad would never stop trying to control him and his game.

A scowl filled his face as Dan screeched backwards out of the driveway. He had the urge to throw something at the shiny, silver car that his dad had bought last week. To destroy something that meant so much to him, just the way he had ruined basketball for him after he entered High School. He used to live and breathe the game, basking in his personal triumphs and accepting his pitfalls, but now he couldn't make a mistake. Every dribble, every shot, every move he made on the court was watched carefully by cynical eyes. Eyes that expected him to fail. But tonight he wasn't going to fail again…not like he did last week. Tonight the game was his. He owned the team and it was time he enforced it. Maybe his dad would never tell him he was proud, but if he beat him….it would almost feel the same.

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"'Hit me with your best shot….fire away.'" Karen and Peyton sang at the top of their lungs with the windows rolled down and the radio turned all the way up. Lucas groaned and slunk down, glad he wasn't in the front seat. He couldn't believe they were singing. Together. He would expect this from his mom and Haley, but her and Peyton? It was just…strange. At the same time he was glad his mom liked Peyton….but singing? Did they _really_ need to do that? If they wanted to torture him then they had definitely succeeded.

Peyton turned her head slightly and shouted above the music, "Come on Luke, join us."

"Uh…that's okay." He muttered under his breath, knowing she wouldn't hear him.

Karen and Peyton laughed as the song ended and she turned the knob until there was barely any sound. "I haven't done that in years," Karen laughed. "Music isn't like it used to be."

Peyton nodded in agreement, "Music used to really matter to people. Now it's just made to entertain people who really couldn't care less. It must have been awesome to live in the 80's, I would have loved to see Pat in concert, she's my favorite rocker chick."

"I saw her in concert once,"

"No way! What was it like?"

"Unbelievable, I'll never forget it. When she walked on stage the crowd went wild…everyone was screaming and singing. It was fun."

"Why didn't you ever tell me your mom was so cool? Guess you didn't get that from her," Peyton smiled at him in the rearview mirror.

Karen shook her head, "So…how did you two meet?"

"She almost ran me over,"

"Shut up! It isn't my fault you were walking across the street in the middle of the night."

"If you had been looking…"

"You or the music. Tough choice."

"Ouch," Lucas feigned a hurt look.

"And yet you still stalked me, you're an odd one Luke."

Karen laughed, "Where did you two disappear at the basketball party…?"

"Mom!" Lucas exclaimed in horror.

"Just asking…"

"We were just….uhh.." He blushed furiously, trying to play it cool, but failing miserably.

"Uh huh,"

"Yeah….look, we're here," Peyton interjected, glaring at Lucas in the review mirror.

Lucas sighed in relief and a sheepish smile filled his face, "Thanks for the ride Peyt."

"Yes, thank you Peyton, I appreciate it." Karen smiled and opened the door to get out.

"No problem Karen."

"Want to walk in with us?" She said as she shut the door.

"Oh, no, but thanks. My friend Brooke and I usually head in together."

Lucas walked to her side of the car and leaned down, "Thanks."

She lowered her voice, a twinkle filling her hazel eyes, "No problem…hands."

"See ya, legs." He laughed, his heart swelling a bit at their exchanged flirtation. Things were definitely looking up.


	8. The Games We Play

**Chapter Summary: **Lucas and Nathan try to control the court with unexpected results while Peyton, Brooke, and Haley look onward. And things take a turn when Jake/Haley, Nathan/Brooke, and Lucas/Peyton spend some time alone.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own OTH, shocking I know.

**A/N: **I tried to churn out an update faster this time, but I'm not sure when the next will be so enjoy the long update.I also tried out something a little different in this so I hope you all enjoy and for those who cared Jake/Haley scenes are back, told you it wouldn't be long. I tried to flesh out all the characters a little more in this one, how they see each other and what they wish they had that the others do. If you read plase review, I like to know what my readers think of this little fic of mine.

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**Chapter Eight: The Games We Play**

Guilt, shame, fear, and determination surged through Lucas' body as he stepped onto the court. Another game. Pressure piled onto his shoulders, threatening to bring him down. He clenched his teeth tightly together and planted his feet firmly into the hard floor. He had something to prove. Not just to the team. The town. His mom. But to himself. Playing on River Court all these years had filled him with a sense of pride. A deep and abiding love for the game. A respect that he didn't see reflected in the eyes of his teammates. To them it was just a game, a competition, but to him it was more. He lived and breathed the game. Every thought, every move he made on the court was in honor of basketball. To allow his mom walk into that gym every week with her head raised a little bit higher than the week before. To show her how much the sacrifices she made for him meant. He didn't play on this team to hurt her, every day he struggled with the guilt it caused him. Knowing how hard it was for her to see him wear that jersey. To look over the crowd and see Dan's smirk.

Dan. His father. The man who had abandoned him before he was born. His mom hadn't been enough for him. He wasn't enough. High expectations that were unattainable. A man who made him feel disgust and loss in one glance. He had taken so much away from his mother and him. He wasn't willing to give up something he loved just to make things easier for Dan. He deserved to suffer. To cringe at the reminder of his past. A past that was tainted. A game that he had loved and was taken away from him. A game his son's owned. Better than he was. Something that filled him with envy and hatred. Lucas wasn't stupid; he knew where Dan's fire came from. It was obvious. To him at least. It filled him with a tiny spark of satisfaction that he made Dan uncomfortable. Being a reminder. Being better at the game. To have a possible future playing the game. A game he loved more than Dan ever could.

He scanned the bleachers, nodding at Keith before turning back. Keith. His uncle. A man who was more of a father to him than Dan could ever hope to be. To the world he was an unsuccessful mechanic, but to Lucas he was a man who did the best he could. He lived life the way he wanted. Doing the best he could in the circumstances he was dealt. Never loving Lucas any less for being who he was. The kind of man he hoped he'd be someday. To love without conditions or boundaries.

"Go Ravens," he faintly heard Peyton's voice as she cheered next to Brooke. Peyton. Radiant smile. Brilliant wit. Cunning sarcasm. Beneath it all a heart just as tender as his own. Just buried beneath a wall she put up. A wall she sometimes made holes in for him to see through. Moments he held close. Like that night in her room after he pulled her out of the pool. Her vulnerability had been moving. He thought of that night sometimes. It gave him hope. Hope that someday she'd let him all the way in. That she'd let him show her who he was too.

"Get your head in the game," Nathan said lowly, running past him with the ball. Nathan was always goading him. Looking for a way to outdo him, to prove himself to someone. To show off to the world. Having to be the best. The best son. The best player. Nothing less would do. He couldn't share the spotlight with anyone. There was something about that guy he didn't like. Never had. Probably never would.

Nathan ran to the basket, pounding the ball against the floor and jumped up, up into the air with the ball, effortlessly plowing it through the net. The ball never touched the rim, but he did. Hung there for several minutes. Triumph filling his body. Adrenaline strumming through his taut body. He dropped to the floor and looked at his dad, his mouth twisted into a smirk. His father sat stock still in the front row, shock filling his face. Nathan watched the crowd cheer for him, his name echoing throughout he room, satisfaction filling his bones as his father shifted uncomfortably. He turned back to the game. He had won this round, but the game had only started. One flawless basket wasn't going to cut it. He had to make more, take control. Show his father who was the real winner.

He ignored the ache that briefly pierced his heart at the reminder his mom wasn't there. Never there. Always away. Working for charity. He couldn't blame her. He would leave too. His dad only became more unbearable as the years passed. More goading, more hard, more difficult. But he wished that once…she was here. To see him win. To beat Dan. Every basket made up for the years he had spent fighting his dad. It was the only thing that drove him on.

Another round. Jake passed the ball to Nathan, he was double-teamed. Lucas was close by. Open. But he couldn't pass it to him. No. He would never live it down. His dad would never let it end. He couldn't. He threw the ball and it was stolen by the other team. A sharp whistle sliced through the air. "Time out," the ref shouted and Nathan grudgingly ran over to Whitey with the rest of the team. "Why in hells name did you make that shot Scott?" Whitey's voice boomed across the tight circle of heaving bodies.

Nathan wasn't looking at Whitey as he answered, his dark gave planted on Lucas. Years of fury directed at the brother he had never known. The lucky one. The one who didn't suffer Dan's wrath. He'd never tell anyone that. How sometimes he wished he was Lucas. On the other side of the bizarre soap opera that was their dad's life. "I didn't see any other way coach."

"Lucas was right there, he was unguarded." Obvious. Everyone knew it. They had all seen Nathan take a risky shot.

He still wasn't looking at Whitey, his gaze cut into Lucas' face. "Couldn't pass it to him, coach." Lucas shifted uncomfortably.

"Why the hell not?" Whitey's white eyebrows snapped together in aggravation. "Look at me when I'm talking to you Scott."

Nathan's eyes moved to Whitey's disgruntled face. "He doesn't belong here," he said evenly.

It was Lucas' turn to glare at him. His hands unconsciously clenched at his sides. He wanted to strangle him, but he kept his hands still, balled into tight fists. He had never been violent, but something about Nathan brought it out of him. He knew how to look at him, how to say things that made him sick. Sick that someone who barely knew him would say it. Things his father probably said. The thought prickled inside his mind. Stabbing into his brain. Failing a father he had never really known. A man who he hated and missed in equal measure. At least the ideal of a father. Not really Dan. His blows towards Nathan were really directed at Dan. The lines were so blurred, he couldn't tell the difference anymore.

"Guess what, Scott, it's my team, not yours. You do what I say, now get back out there." He pointed at the court and growled lowly for Nathan's ears only, "And if you make another move like that, I'll bench you."

"You wouldn't," Nathan taunted with raised eyebrows.

"Don't tempt me," Whitey's voice was live gravel. He motioned to the ref to blow the whistle and turned away.

Nathan snapped his head around in frustration. His eyes landing on Jake who had been staring at Whitey, hearing the words he had just uttered. "What are you staring at Gaegalski?"

Jake shook his head. He had never gotten along with Nathan. Sometimes he felt outside the team. Someone who played, but wasn't really considered one of them. After Jenny came into the world he had considered giving up basketball. Wanting to spend every ounce of free time he had raising his daughter. Ultimately he had come to the conclusion that he couldn't let his whole universe revolve around her. He was allowed to have a life outside her. Even if she was the single most important person in his life. He still had to live for himself. Keep doing the things that made him happy, but being more careful. He couldn't just think about himself anymore, he had someone else to consider. Someone else to look after. His baby girl. The light of his life. She's what kept him distant from the guys on the team…that is everyone but Luke.

Then there was Haley. They had grown close in their short time together. She knew a lot about him and he hoped he knew just as much about her. Well…she knew about everything but Jenny really. A secret he still couldn't tell. Was afraid to tell. Haley wouldn't judge him, she would probably welcome Jenny with open arms, but he had to take Jenny's feelings into consideration. He couldn't risk her getting attached and then losing someone else. Was Haley the right girl to bring into her life? She made him happy, but…Lucas tapped him on the shoulder and jerked his head toward the court. A silent gesture that broke Jake away from his thoughts. He smiled and followed Luke back onto the court. Game time again.

Peyton shook her head as the team went back to playing. "Nathan's being an ass again." She muttered under her breath. Sometimes she wondered what she had ever seen in him. _You're a bitch, remember,_ her brain sneered. Deep down he was misunderstood, Dan had damaged him more than she had realized.

Brooke glanced over at her and smiled at her between shakes of her pom poms. "Did I hear Nathan and ass? I have to say it is damn fine."

Peyton rolled her eyes, "He's _being_ an ass." She got tired of their conversations sometimes. Sex. Boys. Sex. She vaguely wondered if Brooke would ever grow out of it. If she'd ever understand all the shit she went through on a daily basis. But then again she knew Brooke had baggage. She had met her parents after all. They just dealt with their issues differently. Sometimes it was frustrating. She couldn't talk to her about things…Brooke wanted to bury it under booze, sex, or shopping. Peyton buried under sarcasm and sketches no one understood.

"He can wear it well," she cocked her head to the side and grinned.

"Whatever. You're just lust struck."

"Jealous," Brooke scoffed, "why Peyton green isn't a good color on you. Don't be mad at me just because you aren't getting any from wonderboy over there." She pointed at Lucas running down the court with the ball. His turn this time to show Nathan that the team wasn't really his. That he had competition now.

Peyton ignored the comment and watched Lucas. He moved like a panther across the court. His steps were sleek. Well-calculated. Measured, Precise. His eyes were focused. Dedicated. He handled the ball with care. Holding like it was a delicate object. Something fragile. The way he had touched her face that night he had told her wanted everything with her. The night she had screwed it all up. Her insecurities. Her issues. Her fears. Her avoidance. She had known it then and she knew it now. She was the only thing keeping them apart. It wasn't because she had no feelings for him because she did..she just didn't know how to handle it. To be what he wanted. To not let him down.

She shook her head to clear away the thoughts of her feelings. She had enough going on in her life…she couldn't deal with this right now. He shot the ball and it swished through effortlessly. His handsome face broke into a wide grin. He loved the game. It was in the way he presented himself while he played, the way his eyes looked when he talked about it. It was just there. It wasn't about anyone but himself.

A shaft of guilt sliced through her stomach. Obligation. Sacrifice. Some people didn't have the luxury he did. To do what they loved, no matter the cost. Not having to please anyone but themselves. _Unlike me_, her thoughts beat against her temples. Cheerleading had never made her happy. Not even when she had started. It was like a chain around her ankle, always there, slowing her down, causing her pain. But she had learned to live with it. Drawing made her feel the way Lucas did when he played. Free. Happy. To just be herself and not put on the many masks she wore. The layers that covered her.

"Hello, earth to P. Sawyer." Brooke's voice broke through the clouds in her mind.

"Uh…yeah?" She moved her eyes back to Brooke in slow motion. Everything felt surreal.

"We're supposed to be cheering here,"

"Right," She lifted her white and blue pom poms in the air, swishing them around. "Go Ravens," Not a lot of pep, but there were other girls to get the point across.

Brooke shook her head, most nights Peyton's distance would annoy her, but tonight…she understood. It wasn't always easy pasting on a smile and adding cheer to every motion. Sometimes she wished she were more like Peyton, less happy and a little more…honest. Not that Peyton was always honest about how she felt, but at least she didn't parade around pretending she was okay when she clearly wasn't. She knew she wasn't always on Peyton's level. Peyton thought about things too much. She didn't just enjoy things. Like with Lucas, she should just go for it and stop thinking about it so damn much.

She watched Nathan's muscles bulge and strain as he stole the ball from the other team. Speaking of having fun…she needed him tonight. To get lost in him. His kisses. His body. She needed the release. To forget her mother was a wreck and her father was an absent asshole. In some ways she felt addicted to sex. It wasn't always about pleasure. It was about pain. Pressing against someone so hard it hurt. Like her heart was when she thought of her life. Her home. All the guys she had fucked. It wasn't always easy to be talked about. To be called a slut. She knew she was. She let guys use her even if she was using them too. It was better than trusting them. Loving them. If she had learned anything, that was it.

Haley blew a strand of hair out of her eyes. Boring. She had always found basketball dull. It didn't help that Lucas would talk about it constantly every time they hung out. It was basketball, books, or Peyton. All subjects he had run into the ground time and time again. She always looked interested in the game though. She had learned that if she pressed her elbows into her knees, rested her head in the palms of her hands, and squinted at the court she could appear engrossed in the game. She'd just try to figure out math problems in her head that she either had to solve for class or for her own entertainment. _No wonder people call me a nerd, _she laughed inwardly. _Doesn't help that you tutor either. Tutor girl. Oh god, I'm so bored I'm talking to myself. _Thankfully Jake rarely talked about basketball. If he did, she'd have nothing to say. She'd end up smiling and nodding at him like she did with Luke on a regular basis.

She watched Peyton and Brooke cheer the team on with furrowed eyebrows. She had thought that maybe Peyton would have given her a chance. To be her friend. To let her in. They hadn't spoken in a few weeks. An occasional nod in passing. A tiny smile. Something. Haley really didn't have any friends outside Lucas and well…Jake of course. Or whatever they were. They had grown close. So close she had a major crush on him. Maybe it was a bad idea. To jump from one basketball player to another. But with Jake..it was different. He made her feel good. Confident. Something she only felt when tutoring or around Luke because he was harmless. Other guys had always made her feel antsy. Lacking in some way. The way she felt at home when her parents ignored her. She popped her gum, banishing the thoughts of her home life before they could grow. It was nice…to feel this way.

--------------

"Ravens win, forty-two to thirty-five." The announcer's voice crackled into the microphone. Barely louder than the cheering crowd. The players were in the locker room now. Basking in victory and sweat. Hard-won points. No collaborative effort. Scott pitted against Scott. Making the win tense. Awkward. Everyone on Nathan's side save Jake. Following the harder Scott. The one they feared and respected in equal measure.

Whitey walked in, a scowl filling his wrinkled face. "In my thirty years of coaching I've never seen a team like you." The players smiled at each other, missing the annoyance laced through the statement. "Player against player." He stared pointedly at Lucas and Nathan. "You two," he gestured towards them. "Until you can learn to play nice, you're off the team."

"Whitey you can't do that." Nathan stepped towards Whitey threateningly.

"The hell I can't, watch me." He moved closer, his face mere inches from Nathan's, so only they could hear. Lucas had moved toward them as well, knowing he should listen. "For the next two games, unless you come to an understanding, you'll keep the bench warm."

"I'm your best player, without me there is no team." Nathan stared at Whitey coldly.

"I'm the coach. Teamwork is more important than winning, you remember that."

Lucas stared at Whitey numbly. No basketball..? He had worked so hard to get here. To prove something to everybody, to himself and now the game was being ripped away from him. Just because Nathan was impossible to get along with. He respected Whitey so he had to respect his demands. Maybe they could learn to work together. And maybe hell would freeze over.

"Two weeks, you have two weeks." Whitey stalked away from them and then turned, "No practice either."

"Nice going, punk ass." Nathan glared at him as he pulled off his shirt.

"Excuse me?" He couldn't believe Nathan was blaming him for this. They had both asked for it. They shouldn't have been hogging the ball. Refusing to pass it to one another, "You heard him. It's both of us."

"Whitey didn't have a problem with me until you showed up." He said matter-of-factly, wiping the sweat off his forehead with a white towel. "First you steal my spot on the team then you go after my girlfriend," he slung the towel over his shoulder, "and now I'm suspended."

"All that is your fault." His voice rose as anger bubbled in his veins, "You are good, but not good enough." Feelings he had always felt when it came to Nathan and Dan. Not being good enough to be included. To be called a Scott. A title he no longer wanted, but a pain that was old and deep. "Peyton just saw the error of her ways and you got us suspended. You could have just passed the ball to me, idiot."

"And let you win?" Nathan sneered, "Fuck no."

"Whatever," Lucas grabbed his gym bag and stalked out of the locker-room. He was fed up with Nathan's shit. There was no way in hell he would ever get along with him. It was more possible for ….

"Hey," Peyton's voice interrupted his raging thoughts.

"Hey," he smiled into her pale face. Her eyes looked haunted. By what he wasn't sure. Her eyes looked as broken as they had that day she had told him about her mom's death. But they were also different. Dissatisfied. Stuggling. "Ready to take me and my mom home?" He had learned not to push her. To force her to tell him anything. She would in her own time.

He was looking at her strangely. Expectantly. Like he was waiting for her to say something. Could he tell she was thinking about what she had found in the attic? She hadn't been able to get it out of her head. "She said she'll meet you there later." She said casually, letting the words slide from her lips naturally. "Your uncle is taking her home."

"Are they going to rendezvous or something?" He wiggled his eyebrows teasingly. Trying to distract her from whatever it was that was troubling her.

She laughed at the expression on his face. Her worries falling away into her laughter. "Nah….Keith is taking her out…sort of a big goodbye dinner thing."

"It's pretty late to have dinner," Dinner after nine at night? It seemed strange even for his mother and her eating habits. Once they had eaten dinner at eight to be more European. Suffice it to say that only happened once. She was a creature of habit and routine.

She shook her head. "I think it's a date, loser."

"My mom and Keith?" He had thought about them dating before, but now that it was a possibility it was kind of strange. And amazing.

She wrinkled her brow in feigned thought, "I think that's them…or their clones,"

"Weird."

"Clones usually are," He cocked his head and smiled at her, not responding to the words. "Bad weird or good weird?"

"Good, definitely good." He beamed at the thought. He had always considered Keith his father even if he technically wasn't. He stopped that train of thought before it could take off. It was just one date. His smile faded as Nathan exited the locker room, reminding him of his suspension.

Peyton didn't miss the change in his eyes and face. "What's up?"

"Uh…." He watched Brooke approach Nathan. He didn't want to talk about it right now. Not here. Not when her ex-boyfriend and best friend were within earshot. "I'll tell you later."

"Good game, superstar," Brooke said with her lips tilted upwards in a sly grin, "Now it's my turn." She ran her tongue over her bright red lips. The color had become her trademark. Seductive. Making her teeth glow even more than they would otherwise.

He refused to look at her lips, knowing she brought attention to them to achieve her aim. To make him want her. To inspire desire. _Damn, _he thought as his loins hardened at the image in his head. He didn't have to see it to want to kiss her. But he wouldn't. She wasn't going to win. She was just a girl. He could get sex anywhere, "Where's the jacket?"

"What jacket?" She raised her eyebrows slightly in mock innocence.

"Don't play games, Brooke, just give it to me." He wasn't in the mood for her mind games. To play back. He was tired of this cat and mouse game. His plan to make her want him to the point of frustration, but not give her anything was already old. It wasn't his style.

"Shouldn't that be my line?" She purred, touching his arm lightly. Her fingertips barely against his skin, making it burn where they rested. Her body aching at the contact. She had never wanted anyone the way she wanted him.

She wouldn't give up. Not until he gave in. Or at least appeared to give in. She'd get bored of him. She always did. They had played this game before. Long before Peyton had entered the picture. Only it was more innocent then. He had been different. And his body hadn't burned this way. Wanted to claim what she was offering. But resisting it. Pretending he couldn't feel her fingers on his forearm. "What's it going to take to get my jacket back?"

"Well…." She paused and tilted her head to the side, squinting her eyes in thought. Her face lit up when a seemingly innocent idea occurred to her. "You could give me a ride in your fast car."

Haley observed the exchange between Nathan and Brooke with little interest. A few weeks ago it would have bothered her, but it didn't anymore. She just wished Jake would come out of the locker room already. She shifted her eyes and saw Lucas and Peyton standing a few feet away. _I should go say hi,_ she thought as she jumped off the bleachers and made her way towards them. "Hey," She smiled.

They turned towards her simultaneously. "Hey Hales," Luke grinned.

"Hey," Peyton nodded slowly. She hadn't known how to talk to Haley after the party a few weeks ago. She knew she had said some pretty shitty things that Haley hadn't deserved. She was probably too good for her. Like Luke. They were both…so good. So innocent. So pure. It just made her feel like she was a black stain covering their lives. Hurting them by her actions and her words.

"So how many math problems did you do in your head while I played?" Lucas said teasingly.

"Oh…god, you knew that?" She laughed, her face coloring slightly in embarrassment.

"You…Haley James" he looked around and said quietly, "…are predictable."

"Shut up!" She smacked his arm. "I'm not…predictable."

The last word they both said at once.

"See my point," He winked as Jake approached them.

"Hey," Jake smiled at Haley before turning to Lucas and Peyton. "Luke sorry about…"

"Uh…don't worry about it." Lucas cut in. He didn't want to talk about this now. Or ever if he could help it. He would eventually, but it was still too raw. Too new.

Jake got the hint, "Well Haley and I should get going…" he coughed nervously.

"Yeah us too." Lucas said, "See you later man." He stuck his hand out and Jake slapped it.

"Later." Jake and Haley walked out of the gym, having only eyes for the other.

"What was that about?" Peyton raised an eyebrow.

"Nothing…" he lied. He knew guilt was written all over his face. He had always been a terrible liar. But for once…he didn't want to talk about it.

----------------

The late evening breeze ruffled Brooke's feathery red-brown hair. Pushing her hair up off her forehead and back, out into the wind. Free of the constraints of the ponytail she had her hair pulled back into during the game. It was a tangled mess. Whipping out behind her then suddenly wrapping around her face. Altering back and forth. The car lurched forward, going faster than it had before. It was dangerous. Reckless. Her heart accelerating along with the engine. It wasn't just the car. It was the guy driving it. Sexy. Brooding. Dark. Not just in the literal sense but inside. Beneath the surface. She could detect it there. Appearances were always put on for a reason. Masks to hide reasons. He was hard, like her. The world was always taking away innocence. Leaving something different in its place. Something that can survive the harshness. A shield that can't be penetrated. One that covered them both.

She had never felt understood. She knew Peyton had had a hard life. But their problems were different. Different reactions. But Peyton had gotten her through more than she had ever thanked her for. Always there for her best friend. Peyton knew more about her than anyone else. Secrets she'd never utter to another soul. But there was still something that kept them from truly understanding each other. The walls they had both built around themselves. Their own demons. Their differences in dealing with them. Sometimes looking at Nathan she felt he just…got it. But he was probably like everyone else. Thinking the same things about her everyone else said.

She just couldn't explain the feeling that filled her chest when he was around. Desire most of all. And sometimes flashes of sympathy. Understanding. Something deeper. But she'd quickly force those emotions down. She had no room for them in her life. No room for a relationship. Trust. Or love. Not with a male. It would never be more with her and Nathan. Because he wasn't one of those guys who would have sex with her and think it meant something more. He wouldn't cling to her and beg. He knew how to let go. So did she. The only one they had both ever held onto was Peyton. Maybe it was because they had grown up with her and were there through so much or…

He turned the radio up, Dashboard Confessional pounding through the open-topped convertible. "You're kidding." She frowned at him, recognizing a CD of Peyton's when she heard it. Too angsty. Too depressing. Life was like that enough. She didn't need her world to be filled with reminders of it.

He turned his head and raised his eyebrows, his forehead crinkling. "What?"

"This CD has P. Sawyer written all over it."

He had dated Peyton so long he had collected her music. CD's she had left in his room. In his car. Gifts given on birthdays. Thrown into the backseat, ignored until they had broken up. Music he had criticized during the span of their relationship he had grown attached to. Missed. He had been over her for a while, their relationship had died long before it ended, but he still missed the girl. The friend. Sometimes the music. He shrugged indifferently, "It's not so bad."

"It makes me want to slash my wrists," she felt a prickle of jealousy stab her chest. She quickly shoved it away before it could grow into something unmanageable.

He laughed, "Me too."

"The world is depressing enough," she stuck her right hand out the window, waving it in the cool night air.

"Then what do you suggest? If you say Avril you're getting out of my car."

"God," her laugh tinkled in the night air, touching his face, bringing a small smile to it despite his desire to resist. "No."

He switched the radio off, silence filling the car once again. They had been driving for an hour. Barely talking. He had planned to take her to the beach house, but tonight he was so pissed at Whitey and Lucas he would probably give in to Brooke just to take his mind off it. Sex was the best way to release his frustrations and tensions. Peyton used to cry sometimes when they had sex. On nights he was too pissed. Too drunk. He was too rough. She would never let him see, she'd turn her head, but he always knew. It had made him feel like a bastard. He couldn't do that to someone else. Again. Not even Brooke. Who was blatant about her intentions. Probably just as rough as he was. Just as hard. But that wasn't the point. He couldn't let himself become another guy to her. Another conquest. He could play those games, but he wouldn't let someone do it to him.

She let the silence roll into her mouth. Sucking it in. It wasn't awkward. It was just…there. Quiet. "This wasn't exactly what I had in mind," she said finally.

"Ohhhh….yeah?" He pretended to be ignorant of her meaning.

"I was thinking me, you, rolling around in the sheets for a couple of hours. Writing. Moaning. Clinging. Sweating." Her voice husky, seductive, wrapping around him like a warm breeze.

She wasn't shy. No one could ever accuse her of that. "Brooke, Brooke, Brooke…" he shook his head in amusement. "You didn't think it would be that easy, did you?"

"Mmmmm…" she cocked her head to the side. Her hair falling out of the wind onto her shoulders as she did so. Observing him through hooded eyes. The way his jaw clenched. His hands gripping the steering wheel until the veins popped up. His eyes set on the road in front of him.

"I don't fuck with just anyone." His voice hard, the tiny hint of emotion it had contained now gone.

"I like a challenge,"

"And you never give up."

"No…charming isn't it?"

"Hardly."

The car rolled down her street, she hadn't noticed until now. He was taking her home. She wanted to scream in frustration. She didn't want to face that reality. Not so soon. Not when she could spend a few more hours with the guy at her side. "Taking me home, so soon? And I thought you liked to have a little fun."

"I do, but with someone a little less predictable." He stared at her pointedly as he stopped the car in front of her mansion. The house dark, the only lights coming from the streetlights.

She shoved open the door and slammed it shut. She leaned through the rolled down window, making sure her breasts were visible to his piercing eyes. "This is hardly the end Scott."

He stared at her boldly, enjoying the view, but unwilling to let it be more. Not tonight. Not ever. "Goodnight, Davis."

---------

"So they have your standard flavors, vanilla, chocolate, strawberry, but they also have the kind of ice cream no one can really figure out. Like superman, raspberry twist, double chocolate fudge…" Jake pointed to the barrels of ice cream through the clear glass of the local ice cream parlor. He leaned close, the soft puffs of breath that escaped his lips tickling her ear, "Personally I go for plain old chocolate."

"What a coincidence, I'm a plain vanilla kind of girl." Her teeth shone in the dimly lit room.

"It must be kismet,"

"Fate," The guy across the counter rolled his eyes. "My good man," she said in a mock New Yorker accent, "I'll have a vanilla ice cream in a waffle cone and my friend here," she pointed at Jake, "will have a chocolate ice cream in a plain cone."

"Yes m'am," the man drawled lazily, his movements just as slurred.

"You really know how to show a girl a good time," she chuckled. She found it cute that he wanted to take her out for ice cream. It was on her level. Nothing dangerous or reckless. Just simple. Honest.

"That's what all my dates say," he winked in exaggeration.

"So this is…a date?" she held her breath, hoping he'd confirm that his feelings for her reflected hers for him.

He colored slightly at her inquiry. "Ahhh…well friends can hang out in date-type atmospheres."

"Oh," she shoved the disappointment out of her voice.

"That will be five forty-two," the man's voice cut through the awkward moment. Haley handed over the money and grabbed her cone. Jake took his and smiled politely at the disgruntled worker.

They left the parlor, stepping out into the cool October night. "I can't believe it's almost Halloween,"

"Me either, seems like just yesterday…" Jenny was born. He had been about to say it. Would it ever feel right to tell her? He had just made a mess of things..now wasn't the time or place.

"What?" She arched her eyebrows.

"That it was summer." He hated to lie. It didn't settle well in his stomach.

"Yeah," she said softly. She felt like there was more. But she wasn't going to pry when it was probably just her own paranoia rising to the surface. "So outside basketball, what do you do for fun?" She licked her ice cream, letting the cold sit in her stomach. For October it was unusually warm.

"I play a little guitar, nothing special," he shrugged. He had only played for Jenny, no one else had ever heard it. Or knew about it really. Telling her felt natural. He wanted her to know about his life. It was hard opening up to someone again. After Jenny's mom had run out on them he hadn't let anyone get this close to him. It scared him sometimes, but it also felt good. Right.

"Yeah? I sing sometimes, not well." She laughed nervously. No one knew about that. Not even Luke.

"Yeah? I bet you have a beautiful voice," he said sincerely.

"I remember once I was an angel in the school Christmas play in fourth grade," she shook her head at the memory, "I had to sing and when I walked on the stage all the words went poof, right out of my head. Everyone just stared at me and after five minutes I ran off the stage crying. I was so embarrassed."

"Did you have a halo?" He grinned. He had gone to another school in fourth grade, it was always nice to hear elementary school stories. It made him feel like more a part of Tree Hill than he did. He had always felt outside the town. A stranger who could never fit in. Haley made him feel wanted. A part of something bigger.

"A bent one," she laughed.

"I think I was a sheep in a Christmas play once,"

"A sheep? Are you serious?" her laugh was deep and loud. Free. Forgetting the awkwardness that had existed between them earlier.

"It was a very strange play," they laughed mutually as they turned the corner at the end of her street. They had dropped his car off at his house after the game, deciding to walk to the ice cream parlor and back. "I'll make you a deal,"

"What kind of deal?" Intriguing.

"If I play my guitar for you sometime, you have to sing for me."

"Hmmmm, I'll have to think about that." She said as they reached her door, the crickets chirping around them.

"Okay," he said softly, "Goodnight Haley."

"Night Jake."

---------------

Peyton studied the pictures lining the hallway between the living room and Lucas' bedroom. He had given her a tour of the house, it was small but cozy. Warm. He had hesitated to show her his room, but she had insisted. If it had been any other guy she would have questioned his intentions, but with Lucas it wasn't like that. He wouldn't try to take advantage of her. Not that she wouldn't be willing. She shook her head, trying to banish the thought. Where had this all come from? This longing. To touch him again. To continue what they had started that night of the basketball party. To just get lost for a night. To not think about the consequences. Or her messed up life.

She turned her attention to his moving body. How perfect and…golden he was. Everything about him. She had never met anyone like him. So caring. So compassionate. So giving. Not wanting to take, but give. Just give. Something Nathan had never done. And she wanted to take him. Consume him. Brand him. Burn her body into his. Tearing into his heart. Splintering everything good inside him. That's what always happened. If there was an ounce of purity in someone, she could stain it. She was torn between taking him and giving him back. To the world. To someone better than her. Someone good. Someone radiant. Someone else. Someone who wouldn't twist his heart into knots. Make it bitter and black. Someone he wouldn't resent after seeing into the depths of her soul.

He could feel her eyes boring into his back. Intense. Focused on her thoughts. He wished he could see into her mind. Hear her thoughts. Then maybe he could understand why one minute her smile would fill him with hope and the next it would crack, making him feel just as broken as she did. Seeing something she could have, but wouldn't take. Couldn't take. And he wanted to give to her, give it all. He had wanted everything with her, to share it. To give and take all she had to offer. But it was too much. And said too soon. But still there. He still meant it though he had been trying as hard as hell to get her out of his head. To pry her away from his heart. But she kept getting closer and closer. Even though they were only supposed to be friends. He still felt more. Couldn't stop it.

He stopped in front of his door, pushing it open to expose it to her eyes. He stepped inside and she slowly followed, taking in the surroundings. It was tidy, a few magazines lying here and there. His bed was unmade, his green sheets peeking out between his dark blue comforter. His pillows looked mauled, creases pressed into it every inch of them. She walked to his wall that held old childhood trophies. She touched them lightly, reading the titles. "You went to basketball camp?"

"Yeah, my mom thought it'd help me build character. Hone my skills, teach me about teamwork." He smiled at the wonder on her face, as if she were touching sacred relics instead of old camp trophies and medals.

She turned from the shelf, her loose ponytail bouncing up quickly before staying in place, "Did it?"

"Yeah," her eyes were wounded. Full of something he couldn't make out. Couldn't read.

"That's why I went to cheer camp," she said softly. Her voice low, seeing an old memory. An old pain.

"Yeah? When was that?" He leaned back against his desk, crossing his legs casually.

"The summer before my mom died, its where I met Brooke." Before her world changed. She hadn't liked cheerleading even then. Her mom had fought with her about it. Peyton had always been full of fire and opinions. Even then, at the tender age of eight. Then her mom died and it all changed. She had gone back every summer until she was old enough to start cheering at school. Chained to something she hated out of guilt, shame, and obligation. To honor her mother. To make up for the fight they had the night before she died. Putting so much into something she hated. Just to erase the shame.

He waited for her to continue, letting the silence dip down. The room still. Humming in wait. Like him. He could see pain in her eyes, but she wasn't going to share. Say anything. Maybe she had already said too much. The hurt in her eyes made his heart ache. He wished he could help her. To ease that pain. But he knew he couldn't. "Oh yeah?" He said finally, not sure what else to say. Not wanting to step across the boundaries she had set for them.

She nodded slowly, "That was the summer of the boy band obsession."

"You mean like…N'Sync and Backstreet Boys?" Moving on. He would roll with it. Letting the tense moment pass.

"You were a fan?"

"No," he laughed, "I did have a best friend who thought Nick Carter was god."

"Brian was always my favorite,"

"You had a crush on a Backstreet Boy?" amusement laced through his voice.

"Don't tell anyone, you'd live to regret it." She threatened, half-joking, half-serious.

"I can't believe it….just please stop playing games with my heart."

"Shut up!" her mouth hung open as she thought of what to say next. "It was a phase. A very bad phase when I had no taste in music."

"I hear they have a new CD out, bet you have it in your car."

"Haha, I told you a dirty secret, now it's your turn." She tilted her head to the side, waiting for him to confess something.

"Why would I do that?"

"It's only fair."

"Okay, okay," he walked over to his closet and pulled down a box, he dug around until he found what he was looking for. He pulled out a ratty, old brown teddy bear. He approached her, standing so close, their bodies were almost touching. "This is Snuggles, my childhood playmate."

"You have a stuffed bear named Snuggles?" A shout of laughter emitting from her throat and she had to hold her stomach as tears of laughter poured from her eyes.

"Shut up, its not that funny." He grinned, glad to see her laughing even if it was at his expense.

"But it is. Snuggles the bear."

"You can stop now,"

"Okay, I'm sorry." She smiled, staring at his lips. Suddenly realizing how close he was. She could feel his breath on her chin. Gentle puffs of air. His cobalt eyes bore into hers, capturing her gaze, refusing to let go. She leaned in closer subconsciously, her hands pressing against his chest. Instead of pushing him away she set her lips against his. Softly. Lips barely touching. He opened his mouth slowly and she gently sucked on his bottom lip. He tasted like garlic bread. Normally she would find that disgusting, but her insides were shaking. Her heart rattling against her chest. Her head started to spin. She was falling, falling into his kiss. His lips. He pulled away and she moved with him, not wanting to break the contact. To face this moment.

"Peyt…" his breathing was ragged. "We can't do this."

She felt dizzy, her head was spiraling in wide circles. She couldn't believe she just did that. Let that happen. "I'm sorry…its been a really long, weird day."

"No…" he rested his forehead against hers and wrapped his arms around her shoulders, moving her closer, "what I said that night at the basketball party…I still want that Peyt. With you. I've tried not to. Because you asked for my friendship and I wanted to give you what you wanted. What you're ready for. God…" he sighed into her eyes, the garlic on his breath flooding her nostrils. She wrinkled her nose, the smell not as pleasant at the taste. "I want this so much, you know? To just kiss you and pretend like there isn't…this barrier between us." He squatted down until their eyes were level, bumping up her chin so she could look into his eyes. Know what he was saying was true. To face it. "But I can't do that not until you want the things I want. With me. And it isn't about sex with me. I can't be that guy for you. But if you the time ever comes when you want more, you can kiss me again."

She lightly scratched the blue tank top he was wearing, letting his words soak into her tired mind. "Don't wait on me Luke,"

_I can't help it,_ his heart ached. But he knew if the words left his mouth she would run away again. He wasn't going to lie to her either, "Okay."

She tore herself away from him, afraid she would get lost in his words and arms, never finding her way back out. She couldn't depend on someone that way. Couldn't let him need her either. Which she found more terrifying she didn't know. She just had to leave. "I...uh should go."

His heart contracted. She was leaving again. He had expected it, but at the same time he had hoped it would be different. "I'll walk you to your car,"

"No…I can find my way." She backed out of the room, practically running.

"Okay,"

"Goodnight Lucas," she called over her shoulder as she left the room.

"Night, Peyton." When he heard the front door shut behind her he said to the empty room, "I'll be here."


	9. Fall Away

**Disclaimer: Don't own OTH. **

**-------------**

**Chapter Nine: Fall Away**

Blood red roses on grey stone. Petals dripping down the sides like the spilling of the vein of life. Gushing down, melding into a mass of pale grey speckled in white. Patches of purity in the blur of good meshing with evil. Right and wrong. The collision making it harder to distinguish one from another. A constant battle, but never won. Only raising more questions without answers.

Peyton touched the cold stone with the tips of her fingernails, pressing into it until the tips of her fingers lost color. Maybe for an instant she could be those white blobs. Something good amidst the world she lived in. But her heart and soul would always be stained with grey patches. Stuck between the life she had the and the one she wished was hers to grab. To hold. To take. The one she could see in Lucas' eyes every time they settled on her. Glowing with a secret knowledge of something she had never had. Something pure. Innocent. But real. Intense. Asking not only to take, but also to give. To share.

She had tasted it in his lips that night, his kiss dragging her into a dream of sweet promise. Luring in that part of her that craved that lightness of soul. Wanting to surrender and take the things contained in his words. But knowing that in the end she always had to leave. Because everything he offered wasn't hers to take. It was too good. Demanding her heart. Something she had never given to anyone. It was just too much for her to handle. Not when everything in her life was so fragile. Delicate like the rose petal that fell on her hand before sliding off and hitting the edge of the tombstone. Beautiful but fleeting.

Their eyes had carefully avoided the others as they had passed in the halls that day. The first time since that night she had been in his room. Her arms curved around him as her lips collided with his. Taking what she wanted. Crushing that goodness in him. That part of him that wanted that world with her. Not using him, but tasting it for a moment. Letting herself feel. Before ripping away, wanting to give but not take. Because she would inject black poison into his pristine heart.

A tear slid down her cheek and hit the back of the hand she still had pressed against her mother's grave. Anna Elizabeth Sawyer. Beloved wife and mother. Never forgotten. She traced the words with her fingernail, soaking in the words, the reminders. Who her mother had been. The smiling cheerleader in the faded photographs she kept under her mattress. The gentle mother who had held her baby girl when she fell. The woman who had expected her to have the same life she did. Asking for nothing but still met with resistance.

The daughter who shared her middle name. The same blonde curls. Slight frame. Trying to fit the image her mother had worn her whole life. But falling short. Lacking something her mother had. A kindness of heart. A softness of soul. Eyes that radiated warmth. A hand that turned everything it touched into something good. Something pure. Instead wearing a cloak of darkness around her bony shoulders. A cloud of grey yesterdays hanging over her head. A hard rock in her chest that stabbed whoever got close. Making them bleed.

Lucas reminded her of her mother. Everything he touched turned to gold. Becoming better. A ball that always glided through the net with ease. A mother with a gentleness born in him. Friends, who cared, really cared about him. Everything in his life glowing except her. She just pressed down on him. Making him insecure. Unsure. Rejecting him time and time again, but his heart still sitting there for her to dig her claws into.

What he saw inside her she didn't know. Why he kept trying. Why he wanted to. He could have anyone. Girls without issues. Without pain. Baggage hanging around her neck. The thought of him with someone else was like a knot tied in her stomach. Tightening everything inside into a painful pinch. She knew she should just let it go, but something in her kept hanging onto him. Onto the look in his eyes. The way he looked down at her, into her soul. Seeing emotions and feelings she had buried. Without words. But a passing of understanding and knowledge existing between them.

She had stood unmoving in front of her mother's grave as thoughts and emotions poured through her. Crashing into each other until nothing was clear. It was just a giant mass that sat in one spot in the center of her body. Nothing registering in her mind anymore. Forgetting about cheerleading practice. Unwilling to force herself to wear a smile that she didn't feel. To shake pom poms she didn't want to hold. To live in that world. A world that she despised, but was hers. Wanting to forget everything for a while, but with no success.

Everything just running and colliding until nothing made sense anymore. The only thing that pricked at her mind and heart was the knowledge that she did, in fact, want the exact same things Lucas wanted. No longer denying the truth. The only thing she wasn't running from. Fleeing from moments that would hurt them both. Because of her. She was the only reason it hurt. Not realizing how much they were both hurting already.

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Lucas stabbed the pepperoni pizza sitting on the plate in front of him. The cheese was hard, a dark hue of brown. The pepperoni curled up, almost disintegrated. Barely recognizable. The pizza fell apart around his fork. Crumbling when penetrated by the metal spikes. He must have left it in the oven too long. He was tempted to throw it into the trashcan, but he had to eat something. As unappetizing as it was, at least it was food. Everything tasted like cardboard to him lately. His stomach unwilling to accept the nutrition he offered it. Tied into endless knots as the events of the past few days played over and over in his mind. Stealing not only his appetite but also his sleep.

"This place is a mess," Haley piped, appearing out of nowhere. He frowned down at the pizza, not bothering to watch her enter the tiny kitchen. He hadn't heard the door open. "Soda can, soda can, soda can, empty take out box, empty pizza box," she pointed to the objects littering the counter. "And a sink full of dishes. Your mom has been gone three days and this place is already looking unlivable."

"Hey Hales, nice day isn't?" He said wryly, an edge of anger lining his tone.

"Oh, hi Luke," she nodded and plopped into the chair across from his. Oblivious to his harsh tone and fowl expression. "What are we having?"

"I'm having what is supposed to be pepperoni pizza, but instead I'm eating this." He indicated the pizza in the center of the table with his fork. She was his best friend and usually he would have wanted to enjoy her company, but today didn't. He wanted to be alone. There was too much clogging his mind.

"You eat your pizza with a fork?" She laughed.

"You've been my best friend oh," he frowned in feigned concentration, "all my life and you're just now noticing that?"

"Hey I only thought that was during your 'table manners' phase. Guess you didn't grow out of it." She shrugged.

"Nothing wrong with not wanting to make a mess when I eat," he snapped, instantly regretting the edge to his voice.

"Calm down pissy," she rolled her eyes and looked at the pizza for the first time. She scrunched up her nose, "Ewww, what did you cook that in? A coal heated oven?"

"Haha, funny Hales."

"Your lack of culinary skills will stay just between us." She winked. Ignoring the anger that he had been throwing her way since she had come into the house. "So why are you here anyway? Shouldn't you be at practice?"

"I would be if I hadn't been suspended." He spat bitterly, not wanting to talk about it.

"Suspended…why?"

Her curiosity grated on his nerves. Rubbing salt into the wounds in his heart. At losing everything in one night. His spot on the team and Peyton. Everything was coming out harshly. All the little things piling on top of each other until he felt like a ball of stress, fury, and misery. "That great brother I have," his voice leaked with sarcasm.

"What did he do now?" She raised her eyebrows.

"He decided to be a ball hog and Whitey said until the two of us learn to play together we will become the official bench warmers." Reality finally sinking in with the words. Losing the game he had been playing all his life just because Nathan had to be an ass. Ruining everything. His game. Peyton. Taking away two things that meant the most to him. Knotting Peyton up so badly she couldn't accept him in her life. Expecting another Nathan. Used to the way he treated her. Lucas knew that was part of it. Why she pushed. Why she expected nothing when she could have everything. With him.

"Why didn't you tell me this before?"

He shrugged, "I've had a lot on my mind."

"Like Peyton?" she teased lightly.

"And my mom leaving," He challenged, unwilling to talk about her. To feel the pain shoot up through his heart again. Realizing it was too late because it was there. Sitting like a hard weight on the center of his chest. Feeling her loss cutting into him.

"Right, how's that going?"

"She got to Italy yesterday, she loves it." He was glad his mom was happy, but at the same time he envied her. For following her dreams and being allowed happiness along with it.

"Good, she deserves it."

"Yeah she does," he said distractedly, his mind a million miles away.

"Luke you okay?"

"Not really." He sighed in admittance, knowing he couldn't hide anything from his best friend.

"What is it?"

"Peyton and I kissed Friday night." A shaft of pain ripped through his heart. The moment replaying in his head. The feel of her lips against his, her breath on his face. The stricken look in her eyes as she had backed away. Running from him. Again.

"Oh my god!" she squealed, missing the pained expression on his face.

"No not good. She left again." He said as matter-of-factly as he could muster.

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"Me too." He said quietly, the tines of his fork pressed into the forgotten piece of pizza, destroying everything beneath it.

-------------

"Bevin your form is all wrong." Brooke barked, agitated by the shitty job the squad was doing. Unenthusiastic kicks, limp limbs, and crooked movements. Bevin took in Brooke's harsh tone with a smile plastered on her face. Always smiling. _Like me,_ Brooke thought wryly. Hiding the world behind a smile. But they all did it. It was part of the game. The demands of popularity. Everything was an act.

"Rachoe," She smirked at the tall redhead. Her rival since middle school. They had competed over everything. Clothes. Boys. The squad. Peyton. A constant battle neither ever won. Or could. One action proved to be better than the last and it never ended. The amount of boys they slept with piling up until they had lost track. No morals. No scruples. Just driven. By different forces, but the end result was the same. It always was. "You should keep your legs together when you're on top of the triangle, this isn't your bedroom." She smirked as the other girls on the squad giggled. Empowered by the low laughter.

"Actually it's Rachel, Brohoe." She cocked her head to the side and squinted at her in boredom, "And the revolving door is in _your_ room not mine."

The squad cackled at Rachel's retort, but quickly shut up when Brooke glared at them. Brooke was in charge. She was the captain of the squad. No one but Rachel had ever dared to cross her. "Whatever," she shrugged her shoulder indifferently and tossed her long, red-brown hair over her shoulder. The brush off only worked for her. If any other girl had done that, she would have received scorn for her actions. But in this school Brooke was like a goddess. People respected her as much as they were disgusted by her blatant sexuality. She heard them snicker sometimes. Talking about her in the girl's bathroom when they didn't realize she was there. It never bothered her. This was her life.

She scanned the large gymnasium for the hundredth time since practice had started. Where was Peyton? She had never missed before. She had been at school earlier that day, they had sat alone, crouching together, making everyone else feel outside them. It was what they did. They owned the school; no one could touch them. It had always been that way. There was no other way for them. Why hadn't she mentioned her intended skipping? She could have at least prepared her. To brace herself against the angry stares and barbs of their fellow cheerleaders. They both had status in the school, but without the other they became weaker. More openly scorned. The girls were still afraid though. They knew that with a word from Brooke they could be ruined. Crushed like an unwanted bug.

Her eyes moved to the boys doing suicides across the gym floor. Shoes squeaking as they slid across the slick hardwood floor. Sweat pooling down their faces as Whitey's whistle shrieked across the hollow room. The team. All of them save two. The Scotts absent. Brooke furrowed her brow in confusion. Where the hell were they? Lucas had been known to miss practice, but never Nathan. She looked at the empty spot where Peyton usually stood. They were both gone. Were they…together? A prickle of jealousy inched along her stomach, coaxing it to curl up into a knot. Nathan and Peyton together. In his car. His hands moving across her bare back as she moaned into his mouth…

She shook her head, ridding the image from her mind. What did it matter if they were together? They were both single and there was a lot of history there. What they did was their problem. Their issue. She was just in it for sex so what he did with Peyton was his own deal. She didn't want or need more from him than that. The knot in her stomach tightened, rejecting the thoughts she was shoving into her mind. Forcing them the to be true. To not care. She had never cared before, no need to start now. Especially not with Nathan. Neither of them were monogamous creatures.

A few weeks ago she had been throwing the two of them together, now she wanted them apart. Far away from each other. _Only until I'm done with him,_ she told herself, _then she can have him back. _Her stomach clenched once again as she turned back to the squad, putting all her energy into them.

---------------

Tap. Tap. Tap. Backspace. Delete. Undo. Tap. Tap. Tap. Nathan groaned, staring at the paragraph blinking in front of him. An unfinished English assignment that had been due last week. Getting an extension due to his status. He knew why teachers let him turn in homework late. They knew without him the Tree Hill Ravens would be just another High School basketball team. He had obligations and duties to fulfill outside the realm of the classroom. So they were lenient. But his English teacher was getting tired of it. Especially after finding out he had been suspended. His extension suddenly becoming shorter.

The paper was due tomorrow.

He couldn't get his mind off the game. The practice he was missing because of Lucas and Whitey. Depriving him of honing his skills. Sending him into the library instead. To hide from his father who still didn't know he was suspended. In the Scott household there was no such thing as volunteered information. Everything had to be pried out of them. Backed into a corner until confession was the only option. It was survival of the fittest between him and his father. And this time he wouldn't win the round.

He grit his teeth against the thought. Forcing his mind back on the task at hand. It was just a journal; all he had to do was state his opinion. But to tell the truth or make up bullshit was the tricky part. Describe your typical day. Who cares? Wake up, get bitched at, go to school, get bitched at, and go to practice. . .

His days tended to cycle. Even the parties had become routine. Predictable.

His thoughts drifted to Brooke of their own accord. A flash of her breasts flitted through his mind. He couldn't deny the attraction he felt towards her. The body his hands ached to touch, to drive into her. Possessing her. Hearing her moans of desire while clawing his back. She was a hellcat. She could handle his preferred sexual positions. Made clear long ago. Even when he was with Peyton there had been a chord of desire and sexual innuendo vibrating between them.

Simply put Brooke Davis screamed sex.

But he had seen another side, if only briefly. A moment of quiet vulnerability hidden behind vague language. Only exposed when she had been drunk off her ass. Bitter by the way her parents treated her. He knew what that was like, to get stomped on by people who are supposed to love you. He shook his head. Where the hell had that come from? That stab of…understanding? Not pity. There was no room for that in his life. Lust he could relate to, but this was foreign. And unneeded. He pushed it back and turned back to his essay. Pushing Brooke and all the confused feelings she inspired within him away.

-------------

Peyton dug through the mass of papers and plastic containers that cluttered the shelves of her shining blue locker. Gum wrapper. Old English notes. A tin full of moldy cookies. Ew. She'd have to throw those out later. A blue and red notebook peeked between the papers on the bottom shelf. She grabbed it and pulled it out, sheets of snow white paper fell away, taking the space that had just been emptied. She shoved the notebook in her leather book bag. Ready for another day of dull classes and notes she'd rather not take. Instead sketching in the margins as her teachers rambled on about subjects she had little to no interest in.

She stared unblinkingly into the small space, the events of the past few days wrapping around her mind. Blind rage spilled through her body at all the reminders she found inside. An old note Lucas had sent her sitting in plain view. A sketch of her looking in the mirror, but seeing her mother's reflection instead of her own. Little flashes of memory blinding her. Fear holding her back. Feeling the loss of her mother all over again. Making herself let him ago. The only person who could really see her. All of it rolling into a tight ball of anger. At herself. Falling out of her body and affecting anyone and anything that rubbed along her nerves.

"P. Sawyer," Brooke bounced up beside her, seemingly out of nowhere. Her nauseatingly cheerful voice hit Peyton's raw ears. She cringed involuntarily as the brunette linked her arm through hers. Their daily morning routine suddenly too much for the curly haired blonde to handle. She just wanted to be left alone. Her friendship with her suddenly felt meaningless. Always feeling misunderstood. Judged. Held to a standard she didn't want to fit. The scowl on Peyton's face went unnoticed, "Missed you at practice yesterday."

"Mmmm," she hummed disinterestedly and continued to dig through the cluttered locker in front of her. Extracting her arm away from Brooke's as she pulled away. Her history book had to be in here somewhere. Maybe if she ignored her she'd get the hint or change the subject. Unwilling to talk about cheerleading, still struggling with all the issues the position brought her. What it took away from her and never gave back. A piece of her soul.

Brooke leaned against the locker beside Peyton's and took in the unkempt appearance of her best friend. Her mud brown shirt was torn on the right sleeve and hung around her bony hips. A gaping hole spanning the knees of her faded jeans. Her usually unruly hair in even more disarray than usual. Her eyes outlined in black with no other makeup to be found on her face. "Did you get dressed in the dark this morning?"

The words grated along Peyton's nerves. She slammed her locker shut and spun on her heel, "I'm not in the mood today, Brooke." Her voice was low, but deadly.

"Okay Peyton Marie," she rolled her eyes, bringing up the old nickname. PMS. Before Brooke could say anything else Peyton was gone, dragging her old, worn bookbag with her down the hallway.

"What was that about?" Nathan raised his eyebrows in curiosity. Watching Peyton stalk down the hallway, recognizing the fury that flowed from her body and crackled in the air. They had fought so much he was able to detect the signs of when she was pissed. But this time it wasn't at him, it was directed at the brunette standing by her shut locker.

Brooke spun around, her heart slamming against her ribs and jumping up into her throat at the sight of him. He had thrown her off guard, showing up like that. Without her asking. "Like you don't know," she snapped, the jealously she had experienced at practice the day before rising back to the surface as his eyes followed the blonde.

"How the hell would I know?" he scowled, the edge to her tone running along his nerves. What was her problem anyway?

"You were with her yesterday," she accused with a flash of boldness cutting across her eyes. Suddenly wanting to hurt him, but knowing she couldn't. They didn't have anything, anyway. Nothing outside mutual lust and attraction. A craving for the physical needs they could fulfill in one another.

"Like hell I was," he scoffed, taking notice of the prick of jealousy that had filled her eyes for even a brief moment. Brooke Davis jealous? Hell must have frozen over.

"Then where were you?" sounding casual no longer being important, something inside her slipping. The mask falling down, exposing something real. True. Not asking to play games, but really wanting to know the answer. In some ways needing it. She shoved the feelings away and shifted her weight to her left foot, her body lowering as she moved. For once unaware of the way her shirt fell down to expose skin.

Nathan's eyes automatically followed the movement of the fabric; surprised her clothes were so modest. Covering her chest, except that peek of flesh that had been revealed as she moved. Maybe he had been wrong about her. He shook his head, "I don't know where she was, but I was…" he paused, trying to come up with a lie, not wanting to reveal his real whereabouts, but something in the way she was looking at him, a spark of real emotion in her eyes, made him tell the truth, "In the library."

"The library?" she laughed at the obvious joke, but when her eyes caught his she realized it hadn't been false. It was serious. "Oh."

"Yeah," he shifted uncomfortably and cleared his throat. "So there's this Halloween party Friday night, you going?"

Her mask rose up and in settled back in place, "Yes," she touched his arm flirtatiously, her voice almost like silk, "Maybe I'll see you there." Her lips twitched to the side, in a practiced smile, but there was a twinge of something genuine there. For the first time. She let the words hang between them for a few seconds before turning away, feeling his eyes on her back as she walked away.

-------------

Haley watched Peyton stalk down the hallway, concern lighting her eyes. She pressed down the fear and hesitation that had kept her from approaching Peyton for all these weeks. She needed a friend. They both did. If she meant so much to Lucas she had to be special person. She had thought the same thing and despite how much her best friend was hurting she suspected Peyton was feeling the same way. She cautiously walked up beside her.

Peyton's eyes saw nothing but what was in front of her. A hallway full of people talking about nothing that mattered. Absorbed in their petty problems and conversations. The voices buzzed in her ears, all melding into one hum of sound. Even with all the people around she felt alone. Misunderstood. He was the only one who knew. Who got it. And she had messed everything up. Again. They had been carefully avoiding each other since that night. When she had kissed him. Running again. Anger jumped up into her head, directed at herself once again. Torn between pushing him away and dragging him closer. Forgetting her decision to let go. Both options felt dangerous, but at this juncture it didn't matter. It was too late.

"Hey, Peyton," she cleared her throat when the silence wavered on.

The blonde stopped and shook her head, becoming aware of the girl who had been walking beside her. "Hey, Haley," shame cut through her stomach. Avoiding another person who had never treated her with nothing but kindness. Pushing her away too because of her own issues. But befriending Haley was less complicated. Less painful. "Look I know I haven't…"

"It's okay," she cut her off, understanding without words.

"No it isn't, I was really bitchy to you at that party…"

Sympathy and understanding filled her face. Taking note of the shame and guilt that radiated from the cheerleader. Her words and body language explaining the avoidance. "You were drinking, it's okay."

"That isn't an excuse for my behavior," her anger seeming to melt away in an instant. Building in her stomach but no longer directed at other people. At least not at Haley. Her lack of catty comments and ignorance helped soothe her raw nerves. At least slightly. Forgetting the agitation that Brooke had lit within her by judging her. With those eyes, calculating and harsh. Always critiquing, never accepting.

"I know you and Luke…" she stopped at the glimpse of pain that registered on Peyton's face for a brief instant before fading once again. "Anyway…I just wanted you to know that I'm around. Okay?"

Peyton frowned at her and continued walking, knowing Haley would follow. She just didn't understand how easily Haley forgave. Like Luke. No wonder they were best friends. "Why are you so nice to me?"

A smile broke across her face, genuine and full of understanding. "You've never given me a reason not to be," she stopped at her classroom door and so did Peyton. Watching a small hint of a smile lift the corners of Peyton's mouth.

"Listen," she leaned forward and lowered her voice as if they were discussing something of vital importance. Making everyone around them curious. Tutor girl and cheerleader talking about something. In the middle of the hall. Not caring who saw. "there's this lame ass Halloween party Friday night. I don't even know why I'm going, but Brooke twisted my arm and well…" she shrugged, "you like to come?"

"Brooke?" Haley shook her head and laughed, not able to contain it. Her mind settling on those brief barbs they had exchanged at the party last month. Her lips twitched up in sarcasm, "I don't think she likes me very much and the feeling is definitely mutual. No offense."

"None taken, Brooke is a lot to handle." She laughed, "Anyway it's not about her."

"You sure?"

"Definitely."

"Then you can count me in."

"Count you in what?" Jake siddled up beside her as Peyton walked away.

"This Halloween party on Friday, Peyton asked me to go."

"And I asked Luke to go."

They exchanged a look, both breaking into a smile in the same instant. Thinking of the same thing, but never having to say the words.

-------------

Peyton stared into the unkind mirror that hung behind her door. Cracked from the collision it had had with her web cam last month. A mess she had never cleaned up. Her eyes splintered into ten through the cracked web. Outlined in heavy black mascara and eyeliner. Making the irises of her eyes darker. Almost black. Her lips painted bright red. Exaggerated blush filled her tight cheekbones. Her mass of blonde curls pulled up and to the side of her head. Secured by a scrunchie. Tight black leggings wrapped around her legs and an oversized grey sweatshirt rested along her bare shoulders. The hem cut in a diagonal.

She grinned, baring her teeth. 80's rocker chick? Not quite. But it was all she could find in her mom's old stuff. For a night wanting to try on her mother's life outside cheerleading. Had she gone to parties like this or had she stayed home, studying on Friday nights? Logic told her the former was correct, but the insecure, little girl inside her told her that her mother was nothing like her. Perfect. Always knowing what to say and how to act. Would she have pushed Lucas away? Of course not. Her mother would have been good enough for him. The golden girl and the golden boy. She turned away from the flawed mirror, suddenly feeling just as damaged.

"I want to be good enough for you," she whispered to the empty room. The words echoing off the walls. Truth. Confession had only made her ache more at each avoidance she made. Hiding from him. From her feelings. Afraid she would kiss him, telling him everything that was in her heart. Had been there. Then having to live with the fact that she would lead to his ruin.

"Am I good enough?" Lucas said to his reflection. Oil smudged across his forehead, seeping into his hairline. His thoughts moving in different directions, but the question applying to them all. Basketball. Peyton. Were they both games? Was she just screwing with his mind out of boredom? Her avoidance told him yes. He wouldn't participate in her mind games so there was no use.

Maybe everything he thought he knew wasn't true. That she was different. That being on the team would fill the void in his heart. To prove to the father who was never there that he was good enough to play. To bear his name. That his father was, in fact, the one unworthy of him. And maybe Peyton would see him too. If he was there she would notice him. She had, but now his heart felt sick. Beaten down so many times he didn't know what to do anymore. What to say. To her or to anyone else.

He needed his mom. Now more than ever, but she was gone. He couldn't bother her with his problems. As juvenile and petty as they felt. He'd just have to learn how to deal with this on his own. Maybe the party tonight would help. He looked down at the light blue overalls he had borrowed from Keith. Stained in oil and two sizes too big. Gaping around his hips. Swallowing him the way his life seemed to be consuming him lately.

-------------

"Slut," Brooke's mom hissed from her position beside the door. Watching her daughter fluff her long brown hair up in front of the mirror. A tight red, corset pressing against her daughter's ribs, pushing her breasts up and out. A fluffy white tail attatched to the back and a pair of bunny ears sticking up through her hair.

Brooke turned, her crimson red lips turned down, "Mom, you should be in bed." A twinge of pain pounding into her heart at the vicious word. A word she heard often, but never from her drunk, but quiet mother. The disgust that filled her mother's eyes, full of addiction and cruelty. Seeping out for the first time. Cutting into the heart she tried so hard to bury beneath the surface.

"Whore!" she screamed and rushed into the room, flinging all the bottles off Brooke's vanity. Hitting the floor with splinters of broken sound. Soaking the room in perfume.

"Mom!" she grabbed the gnarled hands that flung out at her. Fingernails that pierced into her cheekbones. She flinched at the pain but pushed it down as she drug her mother back towards the door. Limbs flailing out at her in resistance. "Lets get you back to your…"

"You'll never be good enough," she growled, her eyes glazed over in a drunken stupor. A sneer pulling back her lips. Wanting to hurt her daughter. The person who kept her medication away. Thinking she knew best. Like she knew what it was like for her. Always out fucking random guys. She knew what her daughter did. Everyone did. "Your father thinks that too."

Something sharp hit the middle of Brooke's chest at the words, a twinge of old pain. She didn't respond and shoved her mother into her bedroom and locked it from the outside. She leaned against the shut door, never realizing that the wetness flowing down her cheeks were tears.

"You'll never live up to my name," Dan said, satisfaction twisting his lips up. Throwing another barb into his son.

"Whatever Dad." Nathan shook his head, refusing to look at him, continuing to search for his car keys. Wanting to leave this house as soon as possible. To drink it all away.

"You look ridiculous," he gestured to the blue bandana wrapped around his head and the gold chains that hung from his neck. "You think you're some big shot rap star now? That's shit Nathan and you know it."

He ignored his dad's comments and dug his keys out of a jar on the kitchen counter, "Nice try," he held the jingling keys up for his dad to see, "I'm leaving."

"You let Whitey walk all over you and now you're going out like nothing happened." He scoffed. "You can't leave every time something gets hard."

"I learned from the best," he smirked before slamming the door shut behind him.

-------------

Peyton tore through the mass of people that crowded the living room of Rachel's house. The noise almost deafening. Suffocating her. She had to get out of here despite the fact that she had only arrived here half an hour ago. Jake had quickly whisked Haley away and Brooke had abandoned her at the doorstep. Per usual, but things were still tense between them. They hadn't really talked since she had blown up at her at school earlier that week. Not thrilled that she had also invited Haley to come with them.

A mistake. Coming here had been a mistake. Once her eyes had landed on Luke she had had the urge to run. To tear away as quickly as possible. Remembering the last time she had been at a party. Pissed and drunk as hell, almost drowning until he had come to her aid. Saving her from herself. All the feelings she had been suppressing all week rising to the surface and spilling out and away from her.

She burst through a balcony door on the second floor of the spacious house. More like a mansion really. The crisp late October air hit her lungs. A pack of cigarettes sat on the railing. Abandoned but tempting her. She hadn't smoked in a long time. Trying it only once, but now feeling drawn to try it again. She dug the lighter she always carried out of her pocket and lit one up. Dragging it up to her lips and pressing it between her teeth with ease. Like it was the most natural thing for her to be doing.

She heard the balcony doors open behind her. It was him. She could almost feel him standing there behind her. Watching. Waiting.

Tension crackled through the air. He didn't know why he had followed her. He had vowed to leave her alone, but he had been drawn here. Something in her eyes when they had connected with his across the crowded living room. Beckoning him closer, but at the same time wanting to flee. They couldn't live this way forever. He needed to know. Something. All his insecurities and doubts at the surface, but packed down with an easy smile. Buried.

"Ever think about that night?" She turned to him, her heavily outlined eyes pierced into his. Inquisitive. Wary.

"What night?" His mouth twitched up in amusement when she shifted uncomfortably. He wasn't going to make this easy on her. He wanted her to squirm. To admit it. To feel something. He knew it was there, he could sense it inside of her. She just wouldn't let it out. Let him in.

Her pink tongue darted out, running over her exaggerated red lips. "The night at the….uh…basketball party."

"Yeah," he nodded slowly, his eyes never leaving hers as they shifted away from his. The smoke from the cigarette she had been smoking spiraling up into the cool night air. Touching the stars. A pale grey screen traced along the almost black sky. Weaving between the stars. Never reaching the moon, always fading before it got there.

She brought the white stick to her lips and took a long, slow drag on it, slowly exhaling more smoke into the sky. The tip glowing red in the darkness. It was harsh and disgusting. She could taste the ash in her mouth. Silence settled between them. He wasn't going to offer her anything else and she wasn't going to give. They were at a standstill.

"Why are you smoking?" He finally sighed into the quiet. Unwilling to let the awkwardness take hold of them both.

"This is me, Lucas." she blew smoke out the side of her mouth, emphasizing her point. Always opting to push away when she could draw him closer. It was easier this way. For both of them.

"I've never seen you smoke before now," he leaned against the balcony railing casually.

"It's a bad habit I rarely partake in, but when I do it brings me a lot of pleasure," she flicked the ash off the end of her cigarette, "Like sex."

"Peyton…"

"God, Luke, it's a joke. You need to lighten up." Her words were quick and compacted. Punching through the air.

"Why do you do this?" He sighed in exasperation, not willing to play her mind games. Not tonight. Not when his heart was raw from her avoidance. Her rejection.

"Did you hear me? It makes me feel good. And I'll be able to drive home at the end of the night," she sidestepped the real question. Her sarcasm cutting into her. Into him. Into whatever it was they had. The intense emotion that lay between them. Wanting to crush it beneath her unforgiving feet.

"You know what I mean." His body was tense. Aggravated. Tired of fighting, but not able to stop. To want to drag her out of her anger. "Why do you do this to us?"

She paused, her heart lurching at his words. Crashing into her chest. She shook her head against the stab of feeling that had galloped through her heart. She lifted her shoulder slightly, causing the grey t-shirt she was wearing to fall down, exposing a creamy white shoulder. "This me, Lucas. You wanted to see me. You wanted to know me. This _is_ me. The hard bitch. You think there's more to me. But underneath this layer is another bitch."

"I don't believe that."

"Believe it or not, your choice." She turned away from him, blocking him again. She flung her dead cigarette off the balcony into the yard below.

His hand flashed out, gripping her fragile wrist between his fingers. "I won't let you do this."

Her heart sped up at his words. She wished she could continue the faÁade. To pretend his words meant nothing to her. To keep on pushing him away, like dirt out of her fingernails. But she couldn't. "Let me go," her voice no longer angry, but sad. Defeated.

"Am I a game to you Peyton? Just someone to toy around with out of boredom to amuse yourself?" his tone was harsh, sharp jabs hitting the night air and her already raw heart.

"No,"

"Then what is it Peyton? I can't read your mind."

"I don't know," her body sagged against the railing. "I don't know," she said again, this time more softly.

"I care about you, I think we both know that. Whatever it is you're going through, I want to help you, but you have to let me. You can't shut people out your whole life. Your life would be empty that way."

"I know," she closed her eyes against his words. Knowing they were true.

"Please, let me be part of your life." His words no longer angry, soft now like whispers of the wind. Pleading with her to stop hiding from him.

She turned her body and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. He settled his arms around her torso and pulled her closer. Letting her weight rest against his. Reveling in the warmth of her body and the heavy scent of hairspray emitting from her curls. "I'm sorry," she mumbled into his shoulder. She felt small. Delicate for the first time. Her heart fluttering at the feel of him against her. No longer just desire, but more.

"It's okay," he rested his chin in the space between her neck and shoulder. Her skin warm beneath his chin.

"You've been a good…friend." She stumbled over the last word. Knowing what they had could never be that simple.

"You too," he sighed into her hair. Accepting her words with a twinge of sadness. She still wanted to be friends. If that's what she wanted, then he would be what she needed him to be. He would just have to push away his feelings for her. "But you can't avoid me every time there's a problem."

"It's just how I deal with things," Her voice full of regret. Shame. She could feel the pain she had caused him radiating from his heart into hers.

"You don't have to do it alone," Now understanding the aching loneliness she dealt with everyday. No matter how much she had hurt him he couldn't turn away. To not want to help. To be in her life.

"I know," she felt her heart leaning into his along with her body. She felt safe. Protected. Warm. Heat spilling into her heart for the first time. Ignited by his touch. His concern.

-----------------

"Jake," Haley giggled as he pulled her into an empty bedroom. "What are you doing?"

"We have to hide from them," he smiled and looked down at their joined hands, her small fingers curled around his wide palms. His heart stopped when she looked up at him with wide, brown eyes. So innocent. Unlike him. He quickly let go and stepped away. Trying to resist the emotion he had been fighting. A battle he was quickly losing.

A twinge of disappointment flitted through her stomach, but she quickly pushed it away. "Think they've made up yet?"

"I don't know," He grinned, "angel." He moved towards her once again, pulling on the silver halo around her brown locks.

"Hey!" she laughed and smacked his hand away, "You're going to bend it."

"Like it wasn't already," he teased.

"Whatever," poked him in the chest, "Zorro." She tried to rip off the black mask around his eyes, but he quickly grabbed her wrist, stilling her movements. "No fair."

He leaned down, his lips a mere inch from hers. "I can't reveal my true identity," his costume oddly resembling his life. He walked around with a mask to hide his real life. The daughter he loved more than anything else.

"Come on, I won't tell," she wiggled her hand.

"Nope, but you know," he lowered his voice, "You pretending to be an angel is cute."

The words hung in the air between them, stealing her breath. Her heart pounded against her chest. She opened her mouth and the words she had been keeping in spilled out, "Okay you keep sending me all these mixed signals. One minute I think you like me. Then I think you're going to kiss me. But you don't. I really, really like you and yeah I've thought about it. Of course I thought about it. But if you don't feel that way about me we can pretend like I never sai—"

Before she could finish his lips were touching hers, all words evaporating as she melted into his chest. His lips gentle as the moved against hers. Not wanting to scare her. Or him. It had been a long time and the last time he had kissed someone he had been different. But kissing her felt right.

----------------------

Wasted. She was wasted right? The world around her began to tilt. Yeah definitely drunk off her ass. _Bunny tail._ The words popped into her groggy head and she burst out into laughter. "You like this baby," some random guy began to nibble on her neck. He had followed her into this abounded room on her search for more hard liquor. He was cute in an unobvious sort of way. She was drunk and horny so he would do. For now. Something inside burning for Nathan. Her head full of him. Imagining it was his lips that touched her.

"Mmmmm," Nice . It felt good. Really good. But at the same time wrong.

He pushed her back onto a bed. At least she thought it was a bed. Felt like one. He shoved his tongue in her mouth and everything in her froze. Breaking through the fog she had been in. _Slut_. Her mother's words filtered through the haze. Her stomach began to roll in disgust. She pushed at the guy's chest, but his hands pinned her down. Unhooking the back of her costume. "Get off," she screamed as loud as she could, knowing the sounds of the party downstairs would mute her cries for help. She tried to bring her knee up to hit him in the groin, but he blocked the motion.

"You like that?" he rammed the palm of his hand against her pelvis and she whimpered in pain.

The alcohol settled back in her brain, liquefying her limbs. She wanted to fight, but she was too wasted. Maybe even a little high though she couldn't remember doing any drugs. She sunk into the mattress, uselessly pushing up against his chest. Suddenly he was gone, flung away from her.

She opened her eyes. Nathan's face entered her field of vision, "You okay?"

If she had been any other girl she would have wept in relief, but she just carefully studied him and nodded. "I'm fine." He looked like a rap star gone bad. Gaudy gold chains hung around his neck, almost touching her chest. He was closer than she had realized. She recognized the baggy jeans and white shirt he was wearing. Nothing new. She wanted to reach up and pull him down on top of her. He was the one she wanted to do this with. But something stopped her. The utter look of hate on her mother's face as she flung nasty words at her head filled her mind once again. It affected her more than she wanted it to. She had tried to dull it with alcohol, but it was still there.

"Where's your costume?" she smiled up at him, her lips trembling a little.

"This is my costume."

"Hmmm looks like what you usually wear."

"Could say the same for you." He smirked, "I didn't want to dress up for this stupid party, I just came to drink."

"Mmm me too."

"I'm kind of drunk," he swayed to the side. "Wanna fuck?"

Here was her chance. Her opportunity, but she let it slip by. "No."

"Me either." He rested the palm of his hand on her stomach for a second before pulling it away, "You look hot."

"You're drunk,"

"So are you." He fell onto the bed beside her. The sides of their bodies lightly touched, sending a spark of electric current through them both. Not entirely sexual, the realization jolting them both.

"My mom was right," she mumbled miserably.

"What for….or about…"

"I'm a slut." Her head ached, she just wanted to sleep this off.

"Coulda been worse," he didn't know why he was saying this. His head was spinning and for once it didn't matter.

"How?"

"She could pay attention all the time." Silence settled between them, through their drunken haze laid a current of understanding. Something real admist the games they played.

"I should get Peyton to take us home.." her words slurred together. He nodded, but neither moved, just laying there, not speaking again until Peyton found them.

----------------

Click. Click. Click.

Peyton shook the blue lighter that she held in her right hand loosely. She hadn't used her lighter in weeks, not since the anniversary of her mother's death.

Click. Click. Click. Flame.

She inhaled the nicotine into her lungs and slowly expelled it through her lips into the musty air of her bedroom.

The smoke almost alive. Curling through the dim room. Wrapping around her bedposts. Moving through the curtains and through the mussed bedclothes. Sliding across the empty walls. They had been blank since she had broken up with Nathan. Various stray pencil marks on each wall. Bold black against soft brown. Harsh lines corrupting the softness of the walls. Incomplete drawings. Left unfinished. Ones she couldn't paint over. To get rid of the potential.

She stood up, away from the chair she had been sitting in and walked to her door. Broken glass littering the hardwood floor. A reminder of that night. Him begging her for everything. The terror that had clutched her chest at the words. The confusion. The anger. The insecurity. The loathing. The feelings that had been born that night extending into the future. Still swirling through her chest. Eating at her. Preying on her mind.

She had never cleaned it up. Letting her web cam sit in the pile of broken dreams. Shattered emotions. Exploding out of her body. Consuming her life. Ripping into his.

It was time to put the camera back. An unspoken invitation back into her life. Ashes fell off the end of her cigarette onto the shards of glass. Time to clean it up. The nicotine filled her with calm. Swishing through her body, relaxing every muscle, soothing every nerve. She flicked the cigarette onto the floor and smashed it beneath her foot into the glass. It crunched beneath the shoes.

Twenty minutes later the glass was gone and the old, broken web cam was gone. In its place a new one her dad had sent her with his last package. She was back in her chair, the web cam winking at her with its red eye. On, but not connected. Not inviting in the world again. All it took was a ….click. On again. After so many weeks. People could watch her again. He could. She knew he would. Always watching. The thought settled in her chest, warm.

She leaned forward, hazel eyes flashing back at her. She blinked. "I'm Peyton Sawyer," her voice was quiet. Barely audible. She moved her face, distorted colors filled the window. Her face bare, stripped of anything but honesty. Flashing peach across the screen. Blurry.

She moved back until her upper body was visible. Her curls flat. Her face drawn, tired. The makeup she had worn at the party earlier wiped off, faint traces of it tinged her lips and cheeks. Her shoulders jutted out as the ill fitting grey t-shirt slid down her arms. Arms skinny and long. Bony. Her collarbone cut across her skin. Nothing out of the ordinary. She was average. Maybe below that. Why anyone found her attractive she didn't know. She was too scrawny. Too gaunt. Too harsh. Too stark.

She leaned forward again. "I know you're watching." She could feel him on the other side, boring holes into her body. Every movement. Every word. Reaching his eyes and ears. "Why do you watch?" She squinted into the red eye, trying to find him on the other side. Hear his answer.

An IM popped up on her screen and she jumped back in surprise. "You're beautiful." It was from him. He was there. Listening. Watching. She suddenly felt exposed. Vulnerable. It was one thing to assume he was out there somewhere, seeing her, but the actual proof was unnerving.

She didn't answer; just let the words glow on her screen. Cutting into her heart. No one had ever called her that before. She had been called all sorts of things. A bitch. A slut. Hot piece of ass. Fuckable. Words that had no meaning. Just more words that pressed into her and never left. Labels she wore. But his stripped all that away. They shimmered. He meant them.

"Beautiful," she touched one of the curls that fell over her shoulder. "You think I'm beautiful. Why?" Words she could never ask him face to face. Now made easier. The answer just as risky. The question not as much. It seemed more private. More contained.

"You just are." Simplicity. Avoidance. A real answer. His words came with no expectations. If he had wanted sex it would have happened. He could have it. He knew it. She knew it. But it hadn't. Because she was beautiful. Her heart shifted, swelled. Opening. Slightly.

"Do you want this?" Her voice angry despite the warmth. Spurred by fear. Her own self-disgust. Forgetting the hug and conversation at the party. Easier to be this way when he wasn't close by. Easier to hurt him. Hurt herself. She grabbed the rim of her shirt and started to lift it.

"Stop. You're better than this."

She let go of her shirt and gaped into the cam. Her eyes hard, unreadable. Her heart moving. Thawing. "This is me," Resistance. Denial.

"It isn't, you just think it is." Firm. Clear. Determined.

How did he know? She felt he had climbed into her head, reading her thoughts. Touching her emotions. _That's me inside your head._ His words from long ago rose to her mind. Simple lyrics had turned into truth. She wanted to turn it off, to block him again. To push him away. To close the door she had opened. But she found she didn't want to. Not again. She shrugged and stood up. Nonchalant as she could muster. "You should take what is offered, it may be all you get."

She looked at the computer expectantly. Hoping for a response. Waiting for the dig to sink in. To splinter and bruise him. But there was nothing. Only silence. "Goodnight Lucas," she leaned over to turn the cam off when another IM popped onto the screen. "Night Peyton,"

She switched the cam off and smiled, whispering into the silent room, "Maybe…" she paused thoughtfully, a small smile curling her lips, "I like that you're watching."

---------

**A/N:** This wasn't exactly my favorite chapter, but everything that happened is setting up what is to come. I know this was really LP oriented, but Jaley will get a bigger role in it since they've reached the point I've been building up. They all have in essence. Their guards are starting to crumble and the masks they wear are falling away. Also I know Peyton was kind of all over the place in this update, but I was trying to depict the emotional struggle she is facing and her gradual acceptance of him. Sorry these updates are taking so long to crank out, with school starting up for me next week I don't know when the next will be, but I will finish this fic. Don't worry about that. If you read please review.


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